Here we are a year later. What a difference. I posted last week about it, but I wanted to say that we both feel grateful to the bastard that sent that letter.
The letter was designed to hurt me and by hurting me hurt my H. It backfired. We are in such a good place, a place we never would have reached if the truth hadn't come out.
I have decided to celebrate the one year antiversary. I have named it ALA for Authentic Life Anniversary, since we were not living an authentic life together before and we are now.
My H is in charge of the celebration, which is set for tomorrow night. He is, frankly, not good at these sorts of things. My expectations are not high, but I am interested to see what he will do.
Since we are approaching it this way I am actually looking forward to it. I'm even getting off work a bit early.
I'll let you all know how it goes!
I am no where near where you are this far out... I'm happy when others seem to be moving forward.
me (WW/BS): 48 him: (BS/WH)52 4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
You are an inspiration to those of us who are trying to heal..
PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!
DDay 4-25-12 Reconciling
Wonderful!!! just WONDERFUL!!!!
I continue to enjoy cruising in your wake....this whole authentic, intentional way of living has so much more promise then what we were doing before...doesn't it.
Am praying and thinking of you today!
So far--got home last night and my H had gotten me a dozen long stemmed roses and a lovely card and bottle of wine to start things off. This morning he joined me in the tub and thanked me for making this year possible. And then showed me his gratitude.
We changed our sheets to the deep purple silk ones I bought to celebrate.
Don't know what tonight holds yet, but so far so good!!
Don't know what tonight holds yet, but so far so good!
Me thinks I know what tonight holds!
Enjoy and thanks for sharing!
Well, he blew me away!
My H has always been romantically challenged. I maintain that romance is about thinking about the other persons wants and needs and that has not been his strong suit. Well, it is now!
I got home a bit early and he had been busy. The day before he had run all over town making preparations. He had appetizers and wine set out and dinner prepped. He had two more cards for me. After eating and drinking some he had me open the first card, which was an apology card. Then we went outside where he had laid a fire in the fire pit (which we actually hadn't used in years so he had to buy wood). He started this beautiful fire and asked me if I wanted to ceremoniously burn anything. We both did and for me, it was about letting go of some of the ugly memories.
Then he made dinner, one of my favorites, (he doesn't cook so I did have to give some advice!) and we ate and I opened my second card, which was all about the future.
Then we went upstairs to the bathroom. Ever since dday I have taken a bath every single day; I call it my "hug" that I really needed at the time. He has also taken to joining me and at least once a week we take a nice long bath together. I have hung colored lights, have candles, etc. So, last night he had gotten me a three wick scented candle called "Drift Away" and also a selection of bath salts. He brought in romantic music and our wine and we enjoyed a nice soak and talked about how far we have come in the last year.
Then we retired to the silk sheets.(By the bed were two of my favorite sweet treats.) We had a lovely intimate time and I'll admit that I cried.
I highly recommend the silk sheets if someone is interested in a romantic splurge; I got mine on Amazon where the price was more reasonable.
I feel that I have forgiven my H at this time. I actually followed someone here's suggestion and wrapped up a box with the word forgiveness in it for him last night. He said it was the best gift ever. I told him that I haven't forgotten but that it was no longer between us. I asked him if he had forgiven himself yet and he said no. I told him that since he can't change the past all he can do is be the man he wants to be now and he is doing that.
He showed me last night how very much he has changed. He is no longer the man who went down that horrible path so many years ago. I love this new man so much. I did say last night that it was ironic that when he felt the black hole inside him his response was to become even more selfish, when what made him feel whole was to become more giving and open.
I know that we are not done and we still have work to do, but a year ago I would never have dreamed where we would be now. I told my husband that now I know what he is capable of romantically and he said good! He plans to continue. We plan to continue to mark this date in the future.
