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Off Topic :
Greeting Card Vent

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shutup

 ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 4:43 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

I had to go shopping for some birthday cards the other day. One was for a friend turning 60. No problem - he's a great guy and it was actually fun shopping for his.

The other two were for my sister and sister-in-law. The sister that has been a major pain in my ass for decades. Hmmm…how to describe her…judgmental, arrogant, world’s greatest mother on the planet with the world’s greatest kids (just ask her)…narcissistic, zero empathy or emotional intelligence, a fight picker and a family separator.

Then there’s my only sister-in-law…nice to you one minute, cold and a bitch 60 seconds later…brags constantly about how much she makes at the job she hates and rubs it in incessantly about how well off she and my brother will be in retirement FULLY knowing my financial situation. Her kids are complete losers and every chance she gets, she’ll say something like “Well, at least you’ll never have to worry about your kid doing X,Y,Z” – to which I always respond – “Never say never.”

All I could find were these beauties: “So glad we’re sisters!” - NOT. “You can’t pick your relatives, but I’m so happy my brother picked you!” – Ummm…NOT again. “You’re always there for me”…”You bring such joy to our family”…”You’re a joy to be around.” Seriously? These are my choices?

After a good half hour, I ended up with a rather uni-sex 50th card for sis which has just the right spark of bitch to it (rubbing in the whole you're old and 50 theme) and a VERY generic one for SIL – something about having a margarita on the big day.

They suck, they’re not the cards I usually buy or like to buy, but they’ll have to do because I just wasn’t feeling the whole “fake it for their birthday” thing.

AJ’s MOM

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

posts: 21424   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2007   ·   location: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
id 6497407
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 5:00 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

I stopped giving greeting cards (other than SI Christmas cards, naturally) about 15 years ago.

I'll take a blank note card and write my own message if the occasion warrants it.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6497423
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 5:11 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

It sucks buying cards with warm wishes, when what you really want to say is, Happy Birthday, I hope you walk into a wall and break your nose.

I keep a stash of those generic, Happy Birthday cards from dollar general, when they clearance them you can get em for about 25 cents. LOL I think that sends just the right message.

Happy Birthday, now Fuck off.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20381   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6497445
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simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 5:12 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

Simple solution...Maxine. You get the laugh, they get the sarcasm.

Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)

posts: 6121   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2009   ·   location: In the darkest depths of hell!
id 6497451
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Edith ( member #38337) posted at 5:25 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

Hi AJ's Mom!! I actually think there is an untapped market here, greeting cards for the personality disordered. I have the same problem.

They could be blank except for "Happy Birthday," maybe black on the front.

We get this thing off the ground, we could be RICH! Richer than your SIL, bwahahaha!!

E.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. John 1:5

posts: 573   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2013
id 6497471
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Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 5:45 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

I am totally anti-sap and almost never buy person-specific cards (Mom, Son, etc.) I usually buy funny and write a personal note inside if the person warrants it.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

posts: 25351   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 6497508
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 6:06 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

I don't have to worry about the mushy "your the bestest ever" type of cards. When that situation pops up, I buy a humor card.

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6497533
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Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 6:12 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

I buy cards with an animal picture on the front. It makes picking them so much easier.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

posts: 17695   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2006   ·   location: A better place :)
id 6497540
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dameia ( member #36072) posted at 6:29 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

It sucks buying cards with warm wishes, when what you really want to say is, Happy Birthday, I hope you walk into a wall and break your nose.

There are a few people I would buy that card for!!

But I second the cards with animals on the front. Cute on the front and generic message inside. Perfect!

Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

posts: 1470   ·   registered: Jul. 9th, 2012
id 6497560
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imagoodwitch ( member #23375) posted at 6:40 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

Years ago, I bought this card, I still have it as a matter of fact, a few people could have used it but I really can't part with it. It is so old, it doesn't have a UPC code on the back.

On the front:

For your birthday I wanted to get you something you needed

Inside:

How do you wrap a brain?

There is an untapped market!

Ordinary average everyday sane psycho super goddess

posts: 6906   ·   registered: Mar. 25th, 2009   ·   location: Munchkinland
id 6497570
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 6:57 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

Why bother even buying cards for these people? They sound toxic.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21594   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 6497598
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jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 8:19 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013

Aj's mom...

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

If you don't buy any cards at all, you're a bitch.

If you buy a card and it's not what the person expects, you're a bitch.

If you buy a card and it is what the person expects/wants, you're stuck with being nice to them for a bit of time.

I feel for you.

Since I stopped buying birthday cards for my toxic mother, my life had become quite simple and peaceful.

Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

posts: 26375   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2009   ·   location: Michigan
id 6497718
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 12:24 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

I swear one of my lottery goals is to open a Sarcastic Greeting Card shop. There is an unfulfilled niche which is highlighted here.

For you, I'd go with our "For the woman who has laws against assault to thank for another year of life - Happy Birthday!!"

(PS - I think we're married into the same family. )

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6498032
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 ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 4:05 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

Thanks, everyone.

jrc nailed it.

Damned if I do; damned if I don't. Being a people pleaser in a toxic family is its own kind of crazy.

I adore my niece and nephews, therefore I put up with sis's crap.

I adore my bro so I put up with SIL's crap.

And that, my friends, is why I drink.

A lot.

Sigh.

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

posts: 21424   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2007   ·   location: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
id 6498672
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