I'm sorry your party that you were enjoying turned out so badly.
You dont owe your sil an apology. Its unfortunate that noone would honor you and your h request to change the subject.
If all were aware of your situation, it was rude and thoughtless.
I have been involved in conversations that turn to talk of cheating and once people catch on to the fact that i'm there and what they're saying, it becomes very awkward.
This was very rude to do this to you in your home. You owe noone nothing.
I dont know what purpose would be served in calling S's bw, unless you have information she may need. Otherwise, i would say leave it alone.
If you knew and said nothing, she would feel about you as you do about S.
Let it go, dont stress ending the party. You put an end to rudeness towards you in your home. You had every right too.
Make it a great day today!!
You did nothing wrong at the party. Nothing. Just asked for a convo to be changed. They were wrong for talking about a S and cheating at a birthday party.
As for S's wife...I don't know. I imagine she is pretty pissed that everyone knew but her. We've seen that play out over and over on this board. I don't know that you owe her an apology or if that would just hurt her more. Maybe just sit with that for awhile and see if the right answer makes itself known to you.
How was your husband after the end of the party?
Please do not try to beat yourself up about this situation. None of asked to be here and it is a difficult road to navigate.
People at the party should not have been discussing S, especially if they knew of your sitch. Really out of bounds, IMHO.
As far as the girl, if my WH conducted an A with my friend and allowed her to babysit etc while it was going on, I would not be comfortable thinking that just because you 'know' these women he works with, you are safe.
Truth is, none of us are safe in that situation either, we just don't know it.
I don't think he should be friendly at all right now and hopefully he has requested a male swamper from now on.
Hugs to you! Sounds like you two made the best of a difficult situation.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
I am with Rebreather on the female friend. Did you share with him your heart dropping when you saw them at the car together? Ok. So its nothing I bet but at least he knows that this is a trigger for you.
You don't owe anyone an apology. In fact, I feel they owe you one!
[This message edited by LA44 at 2:40 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]