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StillLivin posted 9/23/2013 12:03 PM

My story:
My STBXH started an affair in HI when we were stationed there. We moved to AZ almost 3 years ago. From that time on, it was an EA.
I discovered his affair 3/25/13. I told him to get out. He left, but came back the next day. He pretended NC. He came back but he was pouty, resentful, and unrepentant. So, I got fed up, and went 180 for about 8 days. I got tired of pretending I didn’t know about his secret phone. When I gave him the ultimatum of give me the secret phone and initiate NC for real, or move out, he moved out for about 2 hours.
Then I decided I didn’t want this M anymore if he was going to be this entitled acting still. I informed him that when I came home, I was packing and leaving him.
Three hours later, he came to my job, took me to lunch and poured his heart out. For several weeks before he went back to Afghanistan, he gave me hope with his remorse and transparency. Within four weeks of being in Afghanistan, he was back to contacting her.
He came home a few weeks ago. He moved out the very next day, changed his phone to his plan and took himself off of our family plan. Within two weeks of moving out, he bought her a ticket to move in with him in his lurve nest! The whole time telling me he was trying to get right with God. That God was showing him some things that he didn’t like about himself. He just needed this time to get himself together and right with God. He denied having any ulterior motives of still being with her and denied he was still dealing with her. Whatever!
But then, he started being nice. Denying she was here, and putting money in the account in order “to help”. Started giving me little signs that he was still contemplating R.
Then he wanted to contest the adultery fault. We are in a covenant marriage. I cannot D him or even LS in a covenant marriage unless he has violated one of the eight reasons for D in covenant marriage.
Well, he hadn’t seen his little sweet chicky in 3 years. Oh yeah, she had sent him pictures. LOL, they were all photoshopped to the nines.
She had gained over 50 pounds and looks like she is five months pregnant. She has acne all over her face. A ton of acne scarring and pock marks. Her nose has gotten huge. And, she flirts with anyone that will pay her any attention.
This weekend, the PI caught him yelling and screaming at her like she was one of our kids. He got in her face, and he can be a very intimidating man because of his height and muscle build. He proceeded to tell her that she better not F…ing answer the F…ing door. He didn’t give an F who the F it was, period!
The private investigator waited 3 minutes after he drove off and knocked on the door. She answered it! Then he gave some bs excuse as to why he was there. The PI was an attractive young man, and he proceeded to solicit information from her. Got her to flirt with him and tell him her whole life story. How the big tall guy was her boyfriend, his name, her name, how she just moved here in the past several days to be with him. She told him that he is leaving at the end of the month and maybe she could help him after her boyfriend left for Afghanistan! Hilarious. She is hideous looking, morbidly obese, and very very unintelligent. She doesn’t listen to her “boyfriend” very well either!
Yes, the karma bus hit. He got what he wanted. Too bad he didn’t realize just how much more like Shrek she is looking these days!
Methinks he will be talking about R more and more. Too bad our D will be final in 30 days!
He came by this weekend to supposedly get “the last” of his stuff. He took maybe a fraction of his crap. Next time he comes, I will put all of his stuff in boxes and put it on the far sidewalk by the street. And then I will make it a point not to be home. While he was here, he confused me for his AP. He started screaming at me and got in my face. Oh, I was just sooooo scared. I calmly informed him that I an NOT the one to threaten or intimidate. I coolly picked up the phone and dialed 911, I lifted my shirt and showed him I was armed. I stepped back and pushed the button to the garage door open and pointed to our neighbors watching him make an ass of himself.
Funny, he was never a bully or intimidating to me during our M. I don’t know who this man is, I don’t care. Now I can be free. He and his AP deserve each other.
There will be bad days, when I miss being a wife, when I miss all the dreams for our future together and the hopes I mistakenly thought we shared.
And then, time will heal my heart and my soul. Maybe I will meet someone who is true to whom he presents himself to be, maybe I won’t. But I know that I am a good person. I am loyal, faithful, decent, loving, compassionate, and honest to a fault. He never deserved me, I was in love with a lie.
I know that my SI family will be here on the days that I get down. But I will share my joys too. I will happily pay back the kindness and insight by sharing with those who will be where I have been.

TrulySad posted 9/23/2013 12:15 PM

OMG, YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I don't know you, but damn I'm proud of you. I know it had to take strength, and you've been through so much pain... but you've handled your life with respect for YOU. Kuddos to you, and the Karms Bus for him!!!

Oh, and this:

I calmly informed him that I an NOT the one to threaten or intimidate. I coolly picked up the phone and dialed 911, I lifted my shirt and showed him I was armed. I stepped back and pushed the button to the garage door open and pointed to our neighbors watching him make an ass of himself.

confused615 posted 9/23/2013 12:29 PM

**********standing ovation**********

Simple posted 9/23/2013 12:41 PM

Yay! More power to you!!!

OK now posted 9/23/2013 12:41 PM

I must admit it really is comforting and refreshing to read your post. A strong woman who gave her WH every chance to get his act together, then kicked him to the curb when the doofus didn't appreciate his good fortune.

You will recover very nicely.

Josephine01 posted 9/23/2013 12:47 PM

StillLivin,

I know this must have been hard, but you are Awesome.

Getting to Happy posted 9/23/2013 13:04 PM

Kudos to you StillLivin!!!

It is nice to see a woman with self respect.

I am sorry that your dreams of a healthy marriage were dashed by Mr. Pathetic Dumbass. But I am so happy that you got to the bottom of this shitstorm and cut your losses and dead weight by ditching Mr. PD!

You are amazing and with this kind of personal power you will go far....his loss.

Continue to protect your heart.

(((StillLivin)))

StillLivin posted 9/23/2013 14:38 PM

Thank you.
Funny, I don't feel strong at all. I feel so empty at times.
But, I did grow up with very strong women around me and I've had them guiding me the whole time.
I was righteous at teh time, a little confused at his erratic behavior...suspect he is dealing with a mental breakdown of some sort, and now I'm just sad at all the loss of it. We are both smart, successful people. I still waking up wondering, "What the HELL happened to us?"

StillLivin posted 9/23/2013 14:53 PM

OM goodness, I forgot to mention why I was armed. NO, I was not expecting that kind of trouble.
We live by a major cartel area. Someone tried to get in my home a few weeks back. I usually walk around armed when I'm out working on my property and by myself. Before my STBXH came, I was way in the back pulling weeds and cleaning up some of the property. So, I don't want to misrepresent myself that I'm some female version of Dirty Harry or something.

Brandon808 posted 9/23/2013 15:39 PM

Stilllivin,
Good on you for standing your ground and getting the evidence. Since stbxh has demonstrated he will get in your and attempt to be intimidating I would recommend filing for an order of protection. Even if it isn't granted, which I would hope it is, you will have it on record that he has become hostile and belligerent. Will it stop him? Not necessarily. I've simply heard of too many cases where procrastinating in getting this behavior on the record hurt someone's case. Just something to consider. You wouldn't be basing the complaint on what you're absolutely sure he will do but what he might do in light of his personality changes.

ILINIA posted 9/23/2013 16:08 PM

I got goose bumps reading your post! You said it best:

But I know that I am a good person. I am loyal, faithful, decent, loving, compassionate, and honest to a fault.

Focus on you and maybe stay armed for a bit....

StepAside posted 9/23/2013 16:31 PM

((StillLivin))

I think I just fell in love with you a little bit!

*disclaimer: in a totally confident heterosexual boundary respecting way

StillLivin posted 9/23/2013 16:47 PM

StepAside
Awwww, thank you. I'm really really not some bad female Dirty Harry.
I am just one of those no nonsense, black is black and white is white, extreme boundary setting individuals.
I don't care and never have cared about who is doing something wrong to me. I draw a line in the sand. Simple.
Again, thank you!!!!

HurtButHopeful? posted 9/24/2013 00:55 AM

StillLivin,

I love that you are not going to be a victim...of anybody!

Sounds like XWH's life is falling apart...again.

Sorry you had to go through that. But glad you are on the other end of it, and doing WELL!

Hope2B posted 9/24/2013 02:39 AM

Girl, you ROCK! Love love love your post!

It's GOOD to witness karma!