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I did it, I sent the letter to OW

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OldCow18 posted 9/23/2013 14:33 PM

I found out today that WH had lunch with OW and 2 others today. He still works with her and has vowed that he would keep it strictly "business only". Also, after continuous lies over 3 months after d-day that ended with me kicking him out for a week, he seemed to finally get the full transparency thing, I was CLEAR about it 1000 times.

Out of the blue, my gut told me to track his phone, which, btw, I hadn't done in about a week. Low and behold he's at a restaurant with her and 2 others from work for a birthday lunch. Did he mention one effing word about it?? NO! Would he ever have mentioned it? I think we all know the answer to that.

I seriously lost my mind. I am still shaking like a leaf, full on chest pains, thankfully the sobbing has stopped. Then I got mad and said eff this. Why am I tippy toeing around them??? So, I did it. I sent my fantasy letter that I wrote to her 2 weeks ago. I warned WH that I was going to, he didn't believe me. I cc'd him. Neither one of them are happy, and I don't give a rat's ass.

Go ahead, tell me how stupid it was, but I've effing had it.

OldCow18 posted 9/23/2013 14:34 PM

Here's the letter, it's long so don't feel you have to read, just posting for anyone who is curious:

It’s been exactly 114 days since I learned how many orgasms my husband gave you. Like a fool I really thought I would get a much deserved apology from you by now, but I guess that’s not how you roll. I mistakenly thought you had a heart and a soul, maybe even some empathy, but clearly you don’t have any of those things. I mean, who goes after another woman’s husband? And not just any nameless unknown woman, but a woman who has had you to her home for dinner, a woman who trusted you with her children. A woman who has given you gifts, shared recipes, a woman who liked you and considered you a friend. A woman who attended your wedding and wished you well despite just learning of the sexting that was going on between you and my husband just a month before. Man, you really pulled the wool over my eyes back then didn’t you? Did it feel good to fool me like that? Were you relieved that I believed your lies? Let me quote a particularly interesting section of your message to me from back then… “Like i said earlier, nothing has ever happened or ever would happen. I can swear on my mothers life that is the 100% truth.” (btw, I cut and pasted that, the typos are all yours) I’m curious, has your mother dropped dead yet?

As a fellow mother I have to ask how on earth you could do this to your child and to my children, whom adored you by the way, not that they were ANY consideration to you. Not anymore though, you are a danger to them now, you are a bad person. What kind of mother are you? You are the kind of mother that feels that getting some thrills from another woman’s husband is more important than her child’s safe happy home life. Sex with my husband was more important than your child’s well-being. I guess she comes second to your need to get off on my husband. I bet you couldn’t wait to get back to work after maternity leave to get it on with my husband again. You just couldn’t wait, could you? You gambled with your daughter’s life, her safe have, the comfort of having an intact family, and you lost. Actually, sadly, it’s your daughter and my daughter and son who really lost the most in all of this, tell me, was it worth it? Was it worth destroying an 8 and 6 year old’s happy and safe family that meant everything to them? Was it worth destroying your own marriage and any chance of giving your daughter a sibling?

But, you are weak, I get that now. The only types of women that do this are the severely damaged ones, but I’m sure you know that about yourself already. I was lucky enough to read in some of the pages and pages and pages of email exchanges between you two how self-conscious you are of your body, I bet it felt good to know that my husband wanted you despite being, um, how did he describe you again? Oh yes, “short, dumpy and fat.” You see, it’s not you he wanted, he just wanted the sick taboo thrill because he’s turning 50 soon and is having the classic textbook pathetically selfish mid-life crisis that so many men have. You were just the weak one in the herd that took his bait, and trust me, he threw his bait out to others, even while carrying on with you, you were by no means “special”. The others didn’t bite because strong self-assured women don’t go after another woman’s husband. You know, one humorous aspect in all this is that in the 15 years I’ve been with my husband he’s never once, not once, had a problem getting it up, yet with you he had to run to the Dr. to get a script for Viagra for your big XXXtown trip. I suppose that is because you are so physically unappealing he felt he needed medication to get through it. Not sure if you were even aware of that, but lucky for me I found the little blue pill that was slotted for you in his brief case. You may have believed the BS he told you, bless your heart, but please remember, cheaters are liars, as you can surely attest to. He is a very broken man with major issues that you know nothing about.

As I said, I was lucky enough to read so many of the emails you shared with my husband. How did it feel to get off on him while shopping with your mother? You know, the mother whose life you swore on. Did she watch the video too as you walked the aisles? Not only have I read the emails, but you should know I have them saved; a good friend even has a hard copy just in case. I wonder what your husband would think of them because I don’t believe for a second that he has a clue of what you’ve done and even if you did tell him anything, I highly doubt you gave all the colorful details that I was fortunate enough to read and have burned in my brain for the rest of my life. For instance, I wonder what he would think of your fantasy to have my husband rape you and have sex in my bed. I wonder how he’d feel to know just how “juicy” my husband made you. I wonder if he’d be shocked to hear the language you used and the see the photos you took. I now know way more about your grooming habits “down there” than I really care to. I will be sure to keep the emails in a safe spot, they just might come in handy, you never know. I’d hate to see these go public so I’d think long and hard about ever speaking to my husband again, because I will find out eventually. On second thought, perhaps your husband should have a copy just in case you two do get divorced. He may need them when it comes time for the courts to decide custody. The judge would probably frown upon a woman who doesn’t think of her child first.

You care so very little of the damage you have done that even after you destroyed my family and I found out about your betrayal you liked a post on Facebook with the saying “Good girls are just bad girls who never got caught” and then commented that they were also the smartest, which is ironic considering you DID get caught and you are NOT smart. And you also posted your fondness for the show Mistresses, are you kidding me? WTF is wrong with you? I mean seriously, wtf is WRONG with you?? Clearly your husband is still in the dark and I know in my heart that the right thing is to tell him, I know I wish someone had told me sooner.

What the two of you did has destroyed me, my 10 year marriage and my family. My children are suffering because of what you did, because of how unbelievably selfish you were. There is special place in hell for people like you. This was not a game, this was not a mistake and this did not “just happen”. You made choice after choice after choice to destroy our lives every day that this went on, with every single email, every single text, every single knowing glance, every single tryst, every kiss, every touch, every orgasm. You knew it was horribly wrong and you knew affairs ruin lives. They LITERALLY ruin lives. And not just me and my kids, this affects every person that cares about any of us in this mess, family and friends; the casualty list goes on and on and on and the blood is on your hands. And how about the financial fall out of divorce? And the still very real threat that you both could lose your jobs. You have no idea the damage you have done and it is about time you do. How do you look yourself in the mirror? And what a coward you are, to do this and not even attempt an apology. You are complete scum. In closing, I just want to say please don’t ever forget about karma, because you will get yours. I take immense comfort in that fact. And please do not EVER do this again to another woman’s life, to other children, to other families. I wouldn’t wish the pain I have to endure on my worst enemy; I wouldn’t even wish it on you.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 7:48 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)]

TheClimb posted 9/23/2013 14:48 PM

Girlie (I can't bring myself to call you Old Cow), you will get no 2 x 4s from me. They broke NC; too bad if it hurts her feelings. Boo hoo.
I think most of the time, we suggest not sending the letters because these OW just fail to "get it". Then, it just hurts us more.

As to the NC, I don't think your WH can be trusted to work with her anymore. What do you plan to do as a consequence to him for breaking NC? As good as your letter was, I don't think this is enough. I think it is also time to send all the documents to her husband. I doubt he knows the complete truth.

I just saw my OW today at the post office. I always look her right in the eye. She'll look for a minute before averting her eyes. I hate these bitches!

OldCow18 posted 9/23/2013 14:51 PM

Would you believe he leaves for a business trip tomorrow and doesn't come home until Friday? I actually welcome the time apart to think clearly. Just have to get through tonight. I have no idea what to do anymore, I'm hoping the time will give me answers. Oh, and therapy on Thursday too, need that big time.

velvethammer posted 9/23/2013 14:53 PM

(((OldCow18))) Well said. She deserves everything you said and I hope you scared her a little with the possibility of all of this coming out. She should feel scared and ashamed and have all of the shit your WH and her put on you thrown back onto them. Now go pamper yourself. Get a new outfit or go for a mani/pedi.

confused615 posted 9/23/2013 14:54 PM

No 2x4 here.

I think what you did was fine. I see nothing wrong with unloading on the AP at least once.

Your WH is pissed? Why? Because you upset the OW?

[This message edited by confused615 at 2:55 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]

OldCow18 posted 9/23/2013 14:58 PM

He's all "this is my WORK, this is my COLLEAGUE, this is CORPORATE EMAIL" And I'm all "please, your entire XXX affair took place over corporate email for 3 effing months"

donotlietome posted 9/23/2013 15:02 PM

Only problem I see is you didn't cc the head of human resources at their workplace. Sorry you are hurting.

mchercheur posted 9/23/2013 15:03 PM

Did you send a copy to OW BH?

SisterMilkshake posted 9/23/2013 15:07 PM

Cow, please tell me you will tell the OBS now.

I don't have a problem with you sending this letter to the OW. Do you have any expectations from this letter? Because if you think she will apologize now, don't hold your breath. She will share with her two cronies, I suppose, and they will laugh and giggle at how bat shit crazy jealous you are. I am not saying this to hurt you, but just so you understand She. Doesn't. Give. A. Rat's. Ass. About. You.

Obviously, she isn't afraid of you telling her BH. If she was, she would be staying clear of your WH as any "good" OW should once they get caught. Your WH isn't afraid of the consequences either, apparently, and feels he is in the position of power.

Please tell the BH. Are there extenuating reasons for not telling the BH?

What do you feel you want to do next, Cow?

sinsof thefather posted 9/23/2013 15:11 PM

this is my COLLEAGUE

He has got to be joking right? Defending her? WTH?

OldCow18 posted 9/23/2013 15:15 PM

She responded with the following:

I am not sure where you are getting your facts from. As far as him and I spending any time together, that is absolutely false. I do understand the emails were very wrong and I do apologize for any hurt I have cause you and your family. I’m sure you do not and will not ever believe a word I say or am saying….all I can do is tell you what I know goes on here. I did not only have lunch with only him today. We went to lunch with for a coworkers lunch…since this woman is now the admin in our group, we were all invited to go. Our conversations are very minimal and about work….forklifts, copiers, etc. We spoke the Monday you found the emails and both agreed that everything we had done was wrong and deceitful. He wanted to work on saving his marriage and I wanted to work on mine. My husband knows very inappropriate things occurred and our marriage is very very far from happy right now. If you knew my husband at all, you would know that he is a very private man who chooses to keep whatever issues we have in our marriage at home. He does not ever want to do anything to jeopardize his job or career by discussing anything in the office. So, yes he does know….he has flat out told me his trust in me in gone but we are trying to work thru it the best we can.

I have no idea what occurred today that made you feel like you needed to reach out to me. Like I stated above, I know everything was wrong and deceitful….but I have never threatened anyone nor would I ever….especially thru a corporate email. You have clearly threatened me by saying “, I just want to say please don’t ever forget about karma, because you will get yours. I take immense comfort in that fact”. Also, the fact that you brought my daughter’s well being into this is highly uncalled for. Since you have now openly threated me, I suggest you discuss any issues with your husband.

And then lastly I sent this:

I said that karma will get you, not me, I can’t be bothered. I will not contact you again, just thought the least you deserved was hearing from me one time. I do have to laugh at your high and mighty attitude about what is sent through corporate email, I mean seriously, I’ve seen pages and pages of how much regard you give to “corporate email.”

OldCow18 posted 9/23/2013 15:17 PM

My issue with telling her husband is that he ALSO works there and has threatened to tell HR, which to me, would be a blessing in disguise, but we need his income, I can't pay the bills with just mine and I have children to think about. We've discussed his work exit strategy, but it's going to take time.

confused615 posted 9/23/2013 15:18 PM

She is lying.

Call her husband. Today.

If he already knows..the truth..then he can tell you so..but I bet he has no idea.

Dreamland posted 9/23/2013 15:19 PM

You need to tell the OW Husband and your WH boss and request that they no longer work together. Maybe you can request a meeting if your WH doesnt want to do it then you send an email to them. Obviously people at work knew about their A. We had a couple that worked and were having an A and we all knew. I hated that woman, the man left because finally BW had enough.. but this OW has no morals she even had child and last year got promoted. I did say something to our HR person and our managing partner. He said nothing.. I wonder how many other men in the office she fucked.. It's a disgrace.. I can't wait to quit..

Tearsoflove posted 9/23/2013 15:20 PM

Seriously, send copies of the emails between them to her husband. Me thinks she doth protest too much.

RippedSoul posted 9/23/2013 15:26 PM

OldCow, I don't know if what you did was wrong or right, but Oh! it must have felt SOOOOO good. I've fantasized about doing that. I'm sure we all have. Right now, I don't want to rock the boat, but if I ever have an occasion (hope I don't) to get it rolling again, I'm using your letter as a template. :) Hugs to you!

Dark Inertia posted 9/23/2013 15:31 PM

I love it. More power to you. What has your husband been saying with all this?

SisterMilkshake posted 9/23/2013 15:42 PM

If her BH knows, then it seems he isn't going to be going to HR with this. Jobs safe.

OTOH, I don't feel he really "knows" all that has happened. I would inform him and hope he doesn't go to HR. Which, since they all work together, I feel he won't. But, of course, no guarantee's.

demos posted 9/23/2013 15:51 PM

My husband knows very inappropriate things occurred and our marriage is very very far from happy right now. If you knew my husband at all, you would know that he is a very private man who chooses to keep whatever issues we have in our marriage at home. He does not ever want to do anything to jeopardize his job or career by discussing anything in the office. So, yes he does know….he has flat out told me his trust in me in gone but we are trying to work thru it the best we can.

100% bull$hit in my opinion. I would bet paychecks this is a lie. It's an attempt to keep you from contacting her BS and really breaking open this affair. How do you know there were two other people there other than your WS and OW telling you they weren't alone?

[This message edited by demos at 3:53 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]

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