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So I thought I was friends with OW. I realize now she was using me to get to WH. Anyways, when there was the guise of friendship there, both our families spent a lot of time together. Time together = lots of memories. So I find myself some days thinking about things, having memories, and now looking at things through the lense of knowing the truth. I think part of it is mourning the loss of the relationship I thought I had. I think some of it is processing. My question is this..when is it helpful to think about things and ponder them? When does it cross the line into obsessive thoughts that don't help?
I understand there can be a range of possibilities, but I just would like some guidance on what others have experienced.

I may not be the best to give advice but I can certainly empathize concerning all the thoughts. I think the line is drawn on thoughts being too obsessive or harmful when they are affecting the rest of your life in terms of mood or the ability to get things done. That's what I find in a daily basis. Sometimes all my thinking is colored with what has happened or is going on in terms if my WH. So when I find it too bothersome I try to write or allow myself to think about it all for a certain timeframe and then try to stop for awhile. When I exercise or get away to do some activity can be a way to have a break.

The helpful part I'm not so certain but imagine would depend on your situation. I will often use the pondering and thinking to keep myself from slipping into a place where I try to pretend its not happening. Maybe others can offer a more positive note. There are just so many factors. I find it healing though to continue to share on here and perhaps you will find answer to help you.

You're way too early in the game, IMO, to worry about whether your thought processes are obsessive.

It's a long row to hoe---cut yourself some slack.

A week or so from DDay 2?

It's still early, I think you are still processing.

Think of it this way, a plane has crashed, a big one, lots of debris, you are the only person sifting through that debris right now, it's going to take a while.

Have you tried journaling?

Thanks for the input wind blown, that does make sense. Taking a break sometimes does help.
Soules thank you for that input. I wasn't sure whether I should be worried about that or not.
I'm a good witch that's a good analogy. Honestly I have no frame of reference on these things yet. I have been reading things here and reading the Shirley Glass Book. I have also been journaling. I just want to make sure that I am moving forward even if it's completely slowly. I worry that if I get stuck in obsessing that I will not move forward.

I have asked the same questions, and my MC told us that this is actually worse than having OCD, because I genuinely have something to fear.

Great - worse than OCD. We have laughed over that one. (No offense to the OCD sufferers out there . . . I've had a touch of it myself over the years, which I licked! And now this! Life is just too funny.)