SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Dawn58 posted 9/23/2013 16:57 PM

Hi All,

It's been ten months since Dday (well, in 2 days). I have filed for divorce and mediation is set for Oct. 30.

Just found out two days ago, he and the OW are engaged. I knew that would happen, but did not anticipate it would happen before the divorce was final.

I didn't think this would upset me, but it has. I am mourning the marriage to the man I THOUGHT I married, not the narcissistic, self involved, selfish, heartless man I know him to be now.

] know this is just another bump in the road. Before finding this out, I have been feeling, I don't know, more accepting of the situation. I found my laugh a few weeks back, which is wonderful. I've had moments of peace and contentment. So, it does get better.

Today, it is my birthday. I am 55 years old today. Did not think this is where I would be at 55 - divorcing. I am slipping a bit back into that thinking, of what was wrong with me?? I know the affair was about him, his dysfunction. But, on some level, I take his affair as a complete rejection of me, of the love I had for him. That I was not enough. I know that thought is not true, it's just a manifestation of my own low self-esteem (which is probably why I married him - he always had a bad temper and I accepted that.).

So, a few more tears to be shed over this (again). I am not as devastated as I was before. I have not been rolled up in a ball on the floor sobbing my eyes out. I spent a lot of time doing that. So, I know that I am stronger and moving on. It just hurts today.

woundedwidow posted 9/23/2013 17:11 PM

Of course it hurts, and you're entitled to some tears - not that he's worth them. You know that, don't you? He's not worth one sleepless night, one moment of your time, or one iota of your emotions. Don't feel less than the wonderful, strong, proud woman that you are - it's HIS loss, after all. YOU did nothing wrong, except love and accept him, with all his faults. I'm so glad that you are not as devastated as you were by the initial dday, and that you have gathered your strength in the ensuing months. And Happy Birthday too, even if it may seem bittersweet right now.

gonnabe2016 posted 9/23/2013 17:12 PM

Happy Birthday Dawn!

Sorry that your stbx continues to be a thorn in your side....

k94ever posted 9/23/2013 17:13 PM

{{{{hugs}}}}

But here's the flip side to his engagement.....

He's HER PROBLEM now.

Thank the Powers That Be for karma.

k9

Want To Wake Up posted 9/23/2013 17:13 PM

Dawn...

&

MediumRare posted 9/23/2013 17:18 PM

Happy Birthday Dawn!

You know 55 is today's new 40.. and you lost a lot of weight- 200lbs of cheating douchebag loser, so that is something to celebrate too!

As K9 put it, you luckily are rid of that jerk and at 55, you have so much time left to find someone who will appreciate, respect and cherish you... someone legitimate to enjoy your golden years with... all the while Mr. Loser will be treating his next victim like dirt, cheating and philandering on HER, not YOU.

Sorry for your tears and pain. I just know you will bounce back, mend that broken heart and emerge in so much a better life & situation.

Good luck to you!

Getting to Happy posted 9/23/2013 18:33 PM

Oh Dawn, go ahead and grieve. Even if he is not worth your tears...It's okay. Because you know he's one big ol'douche'.

Much love to you on your BD. 55 is the new 40...I should know, I just turned 55

Stay strong my friend, the best is yet to come.

Jrazz posted 9/23/2013 18:35 PM

There's NOTHING wrong with you, Dawn58. You are worthy of much love and happiness.

I hope you find some peace and joy on your Birthday. Next year hopefully won't hurt as much and you will be having new adventures.

(((Dawn58)))

mchercheur posted 9/23/2013 19:56 PM

he and the OW are engaged

Karma in the works---they are both getting what they deserve---each other. And you are free from it.

Please read Traildad's post "Is this how it begins? " in the New Beginnings forum. I pray for something like that to happen to you Dawn58.

I know it is so difficult right now.
Sending you hugs & strength.

AussieMum posted 9/23/2013 20:01 PM

Happy Birthday Dawn! You have a bright future ahead because you've got rid of the rubbish

Think of it this way - she's now stuck with him and you are FREE. So sorry you're hurting right now. Take care of yourself.

RidingHealingRd posted 9/23/2013 21:51 PM

Happy birthday! I am just a few years behind you.

As for that shit union...the odds are SO AGAINST it.

Continue to move forward with your life. Good things do happen to GOOD people.
You will find happiness without him.

Wishing you a wonderful birthday and a fantastic year ahead.

alphakitte posted 9/23/2013 22:01 PM

hugs to you

Check your PM

vivere posted 9/23/2013 22:07 PM

Happy Birthday Dawn!!

It sucks that our emotional brain engages so quickly and our logic takes a minute or three to catch up! Just shows how normal you are.

I'm glad you know that you are more than enough and that this is just another bump in the road.

A toast to you, on your birthday, being stronger and moving on.

nolight posted 9/24/2013 04:25 AM

Oh Dawn, I understand your pain. I also know the release and peace that this finality brings, even if it takes awhile.

Happy birthday, it may not feel like it now but you've been anded a gift.

ctdean2004 posted 9/24/2013 07:12 AM

Yup - I agree - He's going to be her problem now and guess what? Doesn't matter - he isn't going to be happy.

Happy Birthday to you and may you find some peace and strength in your journey forward. Proud of you.

NeverAgain2013 posted 9/24/2013 09:36 AM

Awww Dawn, Happy Belated 55th Birthday. I'll be there myself in a couple more months. Don't know how it's possible since I'm still 25 on the inside. LOL.

Yeah, I totally get what a shitty thing your BH has done - and continues to do - all in the pursuit of HIS happiness because after all...this is HIS world, we just live in it.

What a joke - getting 'engaged' while he's still legally married. And what kind of classless IMBECILE wears this ring and actually believes she's going to live 'happily ever after?' Is she learning challenged?

You know Dawn, one day you're going to be given the sheer pleasure of watching these two crash and burn. It may not happen for another 10 or 20 years, but one day, you're going to see it happen. Because sooner or later, the cosmos always manages to find a way to right itself, doesn't it?

But honestly? By then, you'll be healed and moved on and the only thing you'll feel is indifference. And what a glorious day that will BE for you.

Lalagirl posted 9/24/2013 13:31 PM

(((((Dawn58))))))

Happy Birthday!!!

Think of this birthday as a celebration of your new and free life - you deserve no less.

More hugs,

Lala

strongerdaybyday posted 9/24/2013 13:35 PM

(((((HUGS)))))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - Make sure you do something special and maybe even a little selfish for you!

jackie89 posted 9/24/2013 13:40 PM

Happy Birthday Dawn!!

Hang in there! This too shall pass! You've come a looooong way!

hopingforhappy posted 9/24/2013 13:57 PM

If I remember correctly, she will be his 4th wife? I think that says it all. Four, five, six--after a while, it becomes clear that HE is the problem, not the wives.