This Topic is Archived
Dawn58 (original poster member #37656) posted at 10:57 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Hi All,
It's been ten months since Dday (well, in 2 days). I have filed for divorce and mediation is set for Oct. 30.
Just found out two days ago, he and the OW are engaged. I knew that would happen, but did not anticipate it would happen before the divorce was final.
I didn't think this would upset me, but it has. I am mourning the marriage to the man I THOUGHT I married, not the narcissistic, self involved, selfish, heartless man I know him to be now.
] know this is just another bump in the road. Before finding this out, I have been feeling, I don't know, more accepting of the situation. I found my laugh a few weeks back, which is wonderful. I've had moments of peace and contentment. So, it does get better.
Today, it is my birthday. I am 55 years old today. Did not think this is where I would be at 55 - divorcing. I am slipping a bit back into that thinking, of what was wrong with me?? I know the affair was about him, his dysfunction. But, on some level, I take his affair as a complete rejection of me, of the love I had for him. That I was not enough. I know that thought is not true, it's just a manifestation of my own low self-esteem (which is probably why I married him - he always had a bad temper and I accepted that.).
So, a few more tears to be shed over this (again). I am not as devastated as I was before. I have not been rolled up in a ball on the floor sobbing my eyes out. I spent a lot of time doing that. So, I know that I am stronger and moving on. It just hurts today.
I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.
woundedwidow ( member #36869) posted at 11:11 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Of course it hurts, and you're entitled to some tears - not that he's worth them. You know that, don't you? He's not worth one sleepless night, one moment of your time, or one iota of your emotions. Don't feel less than the wonderful, strong, proud woman that you are - it's HIS loss, after all. YOU did nothing wrong, except love and accept him, with all his faults. I'm so glad that you are not as devastated as you were by the initial dday, and that you have gathered your strength in the ensuing months. And Happy Birthday too, even if it may seem bittersweet right now.
Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 11:12 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Happy Birthday Dawn!
Sorry that your stbx continues to be a thorn in your side....
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 11:13 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
{{{{hugs}}}}
But here's the flip side to his engagement.....
He's HER PROBLEM now.
Thank the Powers That Be for karma.
k9
BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.
Want To Wake Up ( member #31583) posted at 11:13 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Dawn...
&
Me 54
WH 54
Met 1978
Married 1981
DDay 2009
Latest TT... Nov 2013 (yep, 2013... not a typo!)
"Adultery is not a symptom of a struggling marriage....a struggling marriage is a result of a person who can chose adultery."- saw this on SI
MediumRare ( member #35128) posted at 11:18 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2013
Happy Birthday Dawn!
You know 55 is today's new 40.. and you lost a lot of weight- 200lbs of cheating douchebag loser, so that is something to celebrate too!
As K9 put it, you luckily are rid of that jerk and at 55, you have so much time left to find someone who will appreciate, respect and cherish you... someone legitimate to enjoy your golden years with... all the while Mr. Loser will be treating his next victim like dirt, cheating and philandering on HER, not YOU.
Sorry for your tears and pain. I just know you will bounce back, mend that broken heart and emerge in so much a better life & situation.
Good luck to you!
BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012
Getting to Happy ( member #35200) posted at 12:33 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Oh Dawn, go ahead and grieve. Even if he is not worth your tears...It's okay. Because you know he's one big ol'douche'.
Much love to you on your BD. 55 is the new 40...I should know, I just turned 55
Stay strong my friend, the best is yet to come.
WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 12:35 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
There's NOTHING wrong with you, Dawn58. You are worthy of much love and happiness.
I hope you find some peace and joy on your Birthday. Next year hopefully won't hurt as much and you will be having new adventures.
(((Dawn58)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 1:56 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
he and the OW are engaged
Karma in the works---they are both getting what they deserve---each other. And you are free from it.
Please read Traildad's post "Is this how it begins? " in the New Beginnings forum. I pray for something like that to happen to you Dawn58.
I know it is so difficult right now.
Sending you hugs & strength.
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
AussieMum ( member #36579) posted at 2:01 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Happy Birthday Dawn! You have a bright future ahead because you've got rid of the rubbish
Think of it this way - she's now stuck with him and you are FREE. So sorry you're hurting right now. Take care of yourself.
Me 47
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14
RidingHealingRd ( member #33867) posted at 3:51 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Happy birthday! I am just a few years behind you.
As for that shit union...the odds are SO AGAINST it.
Continue to move forward with your life. Good things do happen to GOOD people.
You will find happiness without him.
Wishing you a wonderful birthday and a fantastic year ahead.
ME: 60 BS
HIM: 67 WH
Married: 35 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 10 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
alphakitte ( member #33438) posted at 4:01 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
hugs to you
Check your PM
------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt
vivere ( member #34465) posted at 4:07 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Happy Birthday Dawn!!
It sucks that our emotional brain engages so quickly and our logic takes a minute or three to catch up! Just shows how normal you are.
I'm glad you know that you are more than enough and that this is just another bump in the road.
A toast to you, on your birthday, being stronger and moving on.
You are responsible for your own happiness :)
nolight ( member #32785) posted at 10:25 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Oh Dawn, I understand your pain. I also know the release and peace that this finality brings, even if it takes awhile.
Happy birthday, it may not feel like it now but you've been anded a gift.
We make our own fortunes and call them fate, and what better excuse to choose a path then to insist it's our destiny.
ctdean2004 ( new member #39637) posted at 1:12 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Yup - I agree - He's going to be her problem now and guess what? Doesn't matter - he isn't going to be happy.
Happy Birthday to you and may you find some peace and strength in your journey forward. Proud of you.
Me: BS, 31
Him: WH/SA, 31
Together 8 years
Married 7 years
DS1, DD2, DSontheway 10/10/13
Official DDAY: October 2012
'09 some things came out, he went to SA, stopped doing it and he went to town! Always been caught and never confessed.
Rec
NeverAgain2013 ( member #38121) posted at 3:36 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Awww Dawn, Happy Belated 55th Birthday.
I'll be there myself in a couple more months. Don't know how it's possible since I'm still 25 on the inside. LOL.
Yeah, I totally get what a shitty thing your BH has done - and continues to do - all in the pursuit of HIS happiness because after all...this is HIS world, we just live in it.
What a joke - getting 'engaged' while he's still legally married. And what kind of classless IMBECILE wears this ring and actually believes she's going to live 'happily ever after?' Is she learning challenged?
You know Dawn, one day you're going to be given the sheer pleasure of watching these two crash and burn. It may not happen for another 10 or 20 years, but one day, you're going to see it happen. Because sooner or later, the cosmos always manages to find a way to right itself, doesn't it?
But honestly? By then, you'll be healed and moved on and the only thing you'll feel is indifference. And what a glorious day that will BE for you.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 7:31 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
(((((Dawn58))))))
Happy Birthday!!!
Think of this birthday as a celebration of your new and free life - you deserve no less.
More hugs,
Lala
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
strongerdaybyday ( member #40264) posted at 7:35 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
(((((HUGS)))))
HAPPY BIRTHDAY - Make sure you do something special and maybe even a little selfish for you!
Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 15 years
3 awesome and beautiful children
OC discovered on Dday - born in 2005
D-Day Summer 2013
working towards D...I can't pretend anymore
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
jackie89 ( member #38271) posted at 7:40 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Happy Birthday Dawn!!
Hang in there! This too shall pass! You've come a looooong way!
hopingforhappy ( member #29288) posted at 7:57 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
If I remember correctly, she will be his 4th wife? I think that says it all. Four, five, six--after a while, it becomes clear that HE is the problem, not the wives.
Me--BW (57)
Him--FWH (54)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 21 years
DS-19, DD-16
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!
This Topic is Archived