Topic: Just found out he's engaged
Member # 37656
| Posted: 4:57 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
It's been ten months since Dday (well, in 2 days). I have filed for divorce and mediation is set for Oct. 30.
Just found out two days ago, he and the OW are engaged. I knew that would happen, but did not anticipate it would happen before the divorce was final.
I didn't think this would upset me, but it has. I am mourning the marriage to the man I THOUGHT I married, not the narcissistic, self involved, selfish, heartless man I know him to be now.
] know this is just another bump in the road. Before finding this out, I have been feeling, I don't know, more accepting of the situation. I found my laugh a few weeks back, which is wonderful. I've had moments of peace and contentment. So, it does get better.
Today, it is my birthday. I am 55 years old today. Did not think this is where I would be at 55 - divorcing. I am slipping a bit back into that thinking, of what was wrong with me?? I know the affair was about him, his dysfunction. But, on some level, I take his affair as a complete rejection of me, of the love I had for him. That I was not enough. I know that thought is not true, it's just a manifestation of my own low self-esteem (which is probably why I married him - he always had a bad temper and I accepted that.).
So, a few more tears to be shed over this (again). I am not as devastated as I was before. I have not been rolled up in a ball on the floor sobbing my eyes out. I spent a lot of time doing that. So, I know that I am stronger and moving on. It just hurts today.
I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.
Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Member # 36869
| Posted: 5:11 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Of course it hurts, and you're entitled to some tears - not that he's worth them. You know that, don't you? He's not worth one sleepless night, one moment of your time, or one iota of your emotions. Don't feel less than the wonderful, strong, proud woman that you are - it's HIS loss, after all. YOU did nothing wrong, except love and accept him, with all his faults. I'm so glad that you are not as devastated as you were by the initial dday, and that you have gathered your strength in the ensuing months. And Happy Birthday too, even if it may seem bittersweet right now.
Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.
Posts: 416 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
Member # 34823
| Posted: 5:12 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Happy Birthday Dawn!
Sorry that your stbx continues to be a thorn in your side....
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 11176
| Posted: 5:13 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
But here's the flip side to his engagement.....
He's HER PROBLEM now.
Thank the Powers That Be for karma.
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.
Posts: 6636 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
|Want To Wake Up |
Member # 31583
| Posted: 5:13 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Latest TT... Nov 2013 (yep, 2013... not a typo!)
"Adultery is not a symptom of a struggling marriage....a struggling marriage is a result of a person who can chose adultery."- saw this on SI
Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 35128
| Posted: 5:18 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Happy Birthday Dawn!
You know 55 is today's new 40.. and you lost a lot of weight- 200lbs of cheating douchebag loser, so that is something to celebrate too!
As K9 put it, you luckily are rid of that jerk and at 55, you have so much time left to find someone who will appreciate, respect and cherish you... someone legitimate to enjoy your golden years with... all the while Mr. Loser will be treating his next victim like dirt, cheating and philandering on HER, not YOU.
Sorry for your tears and pain. I just know you will bounce back, mend that broken heart and emerge in so much a better life & situation.
Good luck to you!
BS (ME): 44
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
Posts: 722 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
|Getting to Happy|
Member # 35200
| Posted: 6:33 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Oh Dawn, go ahead and grieve. Even if he is not worth your tears...It's okay. Because you know he's one big ol'douche'.
Much love to you on your BD. 55 is the new 40...I should know, I just turned 55
Stay strong my friend, the best is yet to come.
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Posts: 1151 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 31349
| Posted: 6:35 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
There's NOTHING wrong with you, Dawn58. You are worthy of much love and happiness.
I hope you find some peace and joy on your Birthday. Next year hopefully won't hurt as much and you will be having new adventures.
"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
Posts: 18703 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 37735
| Posted: 7:56 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
he and the OW are engaged
Karma in the works---they are both getting what they deserve---each other. And you are free from it.
Please read Traildad's post "Is this how it begins? " in the New Beginnings forum. I pray for something like that to happen to you Dawn58.
I know it is so difficult right now.
Sending you hugs & strength.
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R
Posts: 1465 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 36579
| Posted: 8:01 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Happy Birthday Dawn! You have a bright future ahead because you've got rid of the rubbish
Think of it this way - she's now stuck with him and you are FREE. So sorry you're hurting right now. Take care of yourself.
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14
Posts: 183 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 33867
| Posted: 9:51 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Happy birthday! I am just a few years behind you.
As for that shit union...the odds are SO AGAINST it.
Continue to move forward with your life. Good things do happen to GOOD people.
You will find happiness without him.
Wishing you a wonderful birthday and a fantastic year ahead.
ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 2157 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 33438
| Posted: 10:01 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
hugs to you
Check your PM
------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt
Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Member # 34465
| Posted: 10:07 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Happy Birthday Dawn!!
It sucks that our emotional brain engages so quickly and our logic takes a minute or three to catch up! Just shows how normal you are.
I'm glad you know that you are more than enough and that this is just another bump in the road.
A toast to you, on your birthday, being stronger and moving on.
You are responsible for your own happiness :)
Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 32785
| Posted: 4:25 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
Oh Dawn, I understand your pain. I also know the release and peace that this finality brings, even if it takes awhile.
Happy birthday, it may not feel like it now but you've been anded a gift.
Did she make you cry, make you breakdown and shatter your illusion of love? And is it over now and do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home? - Fleetwood Mac
Posts: 532 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 39637
| Posted: 7:12 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
Yup - I agree - He's going to be her problem now and guess what? Doesn't matter - he isn't going to be happy.
Happy Birthday to you and may you find some peace and strength in your journey forward. Proud of you.
Me: BS, 31
Him: WH/SA, 31
Together 8 years
Married 7 years
DS1, DD2, DSontheway 10/10/13
Official DDAY: October 2012
'09 some things came out, he went to SA, stopped doing it and he went to town! Always been caught and never confessed.
Posts: 23 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Connecticut
Member # 38121
| Posted: 9:36 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
Awww Dawn, Happy Belated 55th Birthday. I'll be there myself in a couple more months. Don't know how it's possible since I'm still 25 on the inside. LOL.
Yeah, I totally get what a shitty thing your BH has done - and continues to do - all in the pursuit of HIS happiness because after all...this is HIS world, we just live in it.
What a joke - getting 'engaged' while he's still legally married. And what kind of classless IMBECILE wears this ring and actually believes she's going to live 'happily ever after?' Is she learning challenged?
You know Dawn, one day you're going to be given the sheer pleasure of watching these two crash and burn. It may not happen for another 10 or 20 years, but one day, you're going to see it happen. Because sooner or later, the cosmos always manages to find a way to right itself, doesn't it?
But honestly? By then, you'll be healed and moved on and the only thing you'll feel is indifference. And what a glorious day that will BE for you.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
Posts: 1958 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 14576
| Posted: 1:31 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
Think of this birthday as a celebration of your new and free life - you deserve no less.
Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.
Posts: 5179 | Registered: May 2007
Member # 40264
| Posted: 1:35 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
HAPPY BIRTHDAY - Make sure you do something special and maybe even a little selfish for you!
Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
If it is what it is then what is it?
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 38271
| Posted: 1:40 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
Happy Birthday Dawn!!
Hang in there! This too shall pass! You've come a looooong way!
I edit - because I hate misspellings or grammar mistakes.
"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~
Posts: 541 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 29288
| Posted: 1:57 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
If I remember correctly, she will be his 4th wife? I think that says it all. Four, five, six--after a while, it becomes clear that HE is the problem, not the wives.
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!
Posts: 1379 | Registered: Aug 2010
|Topic Posts: 24|