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My heart says yes but head says no :-(

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Lost1986hurt posted 9/23/2013 17:38 PM

I was with my bf for 4 years and we have a baby girl from Scotland and he is from France so we compromised and said aslong as I was happy in France we would live there.however I was on the pill when I became pregnant so was quite a surprise and had a very hard pregnancy therefor was unable to work then a complicated c-section birth.anyway long story short our relationship deteriorated and when our baby was just 10 months he cheated in me however he is insisting it went no further than texts and a few gut feeling is to believe him even though it is still betrayal.i have now moved back to Scotland as we were planning on doing anyway together but I am miserable without him.i would just like to hear any success stories and what people did to move on?i want to get back together with him but not sure i am the type of person who can forgive and forget :-( I've never felt so sad and angry in my life and feel it would be so much easier if I didn't love him anymore

Jrazz posted 9/23/2013 18:06 PM

Welcome to SI. You are at a very typical starting point that many of us can relate to.

It can be especially difficult when there is a child involved, and you need to know that you don't HAVE to make a decision right this second.

It takes a long time for BS's to get their wits back and think clearly about things. My suggestion is to take care of yourself and your little one as you dig for more information.

He can "insist" that his indiscretion was "just" this or that, but it's not up to him to grade the level of damage inflicted by his behavior. Unfortunately, more details and events tend to come trickling out as time progresses. There may come a point when you decide to base staying or leaving on whether he is coming completely clean and doing the work to repair your relationship.

Either way, don't pressure yourself to have all the answers right now. Check out our Healing Library for resources on how to cope and move forward, and post as often as you need for support. We're here for you.


Lost1986hurt posted 9/24/2013 07:45 AM

Thank you for taking the time to write to me :-) I am managing to keep going and look after my little girl but anytime I am alone I just break down crying and think why?our life could have been so perfect together and although things weren't great at the time everything had just started to fall back into place with our life :,-(

MJane posted 9/24/2013 09:16 AM

Lost1986 I so hear you - I had complications (high risk pregnancy after miscarriages) & have discovered that at a time when my H could have been enjoying the new family we so yearned for he chose to sleep with another woman (for 19 months). I go from angry, to hurt & sad to optimistic all in a few hours. Take the really good advice that everyone here gives on giving yourself the space to make the decision. I have not ruled out R (i still see the spark of the man I loved and married 5 years ago) but am not sure I am capable of moving forward with him. I know we will always have our son to connect us so I am doing MC on basis that even if I eventually decide that I am not capable of being with a man who has so damaged me that I still need to have a good parental relationship with him. Reading your post it struck me how much we are both mourning the relationship that can no longer be - the faithful ideal where you are secure that this person has picked you to be with above all others & will be your safe harbour. I hate that I will never fully trust him again as I am trusting person. What I need to decide is whether I think living with him & moving through this pain with him is better than a fresh start without him...something I just don't know yet

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