SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Talk me down please

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

kg201 posted 9/23/2013 18:13 PM

On the child transition today (I am coming into the home with my children for the next three days, while my WW leaves)I did my best to not get angry. As she was pulling out of the driveway, I smiled towards her shaking me head. Her response through the windshield was a muted/annoyed, "What!?"

I didn't respond other than continue to smile and shake my head.

I now want to respond to her with an e-mail where I answer saying the following:

You asked what I was smiling at. I was wondering to myself how someone I thought was a good person could be so cruel and heartless. How did you fool me for so long? How could you choose your boyfriend over keeping your family, your kids and husband intact? I was wondering whether you would ever eel ashamed of betraying your beliefs and values. You should be embarrassed to call yourself a (church group affiliation). I was wondering whether you would say it was ok for your children's future spouses to do to them what you have done to me. Just wondering.

But I know there is no point to sending this to her. But I just needed to say it somewhere. I still want to send it, so talk me down people.

nowiknow23 posted 9/23/2013 18:20 PM

(((((kg))))) Consider it said. And don't you dare send it. Leave her wondering, because your words, your feelings, your thoughts are no longer available to her. She lost that privilege.

Hang in there, kg.

Nature_Girl posted 9/23/2013 18:30 PM

Of course you won't send it. That would be wrong and we'd all be very cross with you.

And you're going to stop engaging at all with the head shaking and other nonsense, too. Just stop!

Abbondad posted 9/23/2013 18:37 PM

I will take your stern advice as well, Naturegirl!

Right there with you, kg. Keep it inside. Nothing will reach her. Let the moment pass.

sleepless34 posted 9/23/2013 19:04 PM

Don't do it!

Or write the email and send it to yourself, sometimes that is satifying enough for me...like email masterbation...

That byotch does not deserve to know why you are shaking your head at her. I wouldn't even look her in the eyes, she doesn't deserve even that. Just avoid eye contact, like she is too discusting to look at.

You can send me the email and if you want I can pretend to be her!

kg201 posted 9/23/2013 19:45 PM

Thanks everyone. I haven't sent it. I appreciate the responses. You all made me chuckle and the moment has passed.

Sleepless, you caught me...I was staring at her before the moment I described in my original post. She kept looking away and asked me why I was staring at her. I told her I was just looking at her face, but I was wondering whether she wasn't returning my look because she was ashamed. Or I may just be reading into it. Hope it was shame, but I know I won't ever know.

Also, sleepless, I appreciate the offer to take one for the team, but you don't want to pretend to be her. That's not a load to take on lightly.

[This message edited by kg201 at 7:50 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]

sleepless34 posted 9/23/2013 20:18 PM

Haha, I thought of something really nasty and discusting to say about how I can't really pretend to be someone like her...and it involves a "dumpster"reference.

I could bet what she would say though...I wasn't happy for a long time, my needs weren't being met, it takes two to have problems in a marriage, you'll be better off, I don't know why I did it, It isn't fair to you, you deserve better, ILYBINILWY, why are you over reacting.

kg201 posted 9/23/2013 20:24 PM

I could bet what she would say though...I wasn't happy for a long time, my needs weren't being met, it takes two to have problems in a marriage, you'll be better off, I don't know why I did it, It isn't fair to you, you deserve better, ILYBINILWY, why are you over reacting.

Sleepless, you have part of that correct. Her response would be more "it takes one, you, to have problems in a marriage."

sleepless34 posted 9/23/2013 21:46 PM

Well, of course it must be your fault...dummy!

sparkysable posted 9/24/2013 12:55 PM

There is no point in saying it. She doesn't get it. And if she ever does "get it", it won't be because of something you said.

Now, I'm not opposed to a well placed comment, should the opportunity present itself....but this particular moment, I wouldn't. You'll get your chance, when her life blows up. Which it will.

sparkysable posted 9/24/2013 12:57 PM

I wasn't happy for a long time, my needs weren't being met, it takes two to have problems in a marriage, you'll be better off, I don't know why I did it, It isn't fair to you, you deserve better, ILYBINILWY, why are you over reacting.
Straight out of the WS handbook. Mine said every single word here.

kg201 posted 9/24/2013 15:14 PM

She really doesn't get it...and that is so frustrating! I know folks on SI have talked about how the person the WW is after dday is different from the one before, but it is such a mind-fuck to see these two completely different people. My WWs recent thing is how she is an "invincible summer in a long harsh winter". An Albert Camus quote, but she is implying that after all of these years of unhappiness with me, and all the fear of her impending death, she has found strength enough to leave me. She is stronger for cheating and finding a new mate and leaving my ass behind, and then she says she is afraid to be in my presence because of comments I make during the child care transitions. What the hell does she have to be afraid of? I haven't done anything to her other than express my anger at her infidelity.

Mind games. Tough day. Better now, but still. Why can't I just hate her!?!

hexed posted 9/24/2013 15:19 PM

2X4 time kg

I didn't respond other than continue to smile and shake my head

That is such an obvious, direct gesture. You intentionally did that to let her know how you are feeling. That can only lead to engagement from her. You wanted the interaction. What did you expect that your behaviour would elicit?

Stop it. No reactions. No targeted head shaking. NOTHING. Exchange children and nothing else!!

kg201 posted 9/24/2013 15:24 PM

2x4 accepted. I know. I know. I know.

I just want her to feel some remorse. I want her to have some consequences for her behavior. She is not allowed to leave this earth not knowing how fucked up she has left it!!

And I know none of that will happen. I know I have to just be the best me I can be. It is just so damn hard!

I have my monthly cancer caregiver group tonight, and I have no cancer patient to care for anymore. I am looking forward to it, because they were supportive when I told them about my situation last time, and I need some talk therapy (my IC is away for 3 weeks again).

Just

sleepless34 posted 9/24/2013 16:51 PM

She is never going to get it. You already do know that. But, she has to live with herself and I firmly believe it is better to be you in this situation than to be her. She has a black soul, and she is never going to be right after this. Be thankful your relationship with her is over and she couldn't suck you further into her darkness.

kg201 posted 9/24/2013 19:09 PM

The dark side...hmmm...early on after dday she did once say that I sounded like a Sith Lord. I guess it takes one to know one.

Feeling better tonight. The cancer support group was good. I take a lot of comfort in providing support to others, so it was good to feel like myself in the group. I was even able to do the child transition again tonight after I got back, with WW and MIL milling about the house with no conflict. I was good. They left and now I sit watching Uncle Grandpa on Cartoon Network with my kids.

And I am considering going out to a club to dance on Friday night.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy