Arnold, I hear you. You know those studies about eyewitness testimony being unreliable? That's what I kept thinking about when fWH was ilybinilwy. Memory is so malleable.
It actually helped me to read about memory distortion and how common it is. Basically, memories change every time we recall them. When fWH was in the A, he was miserable, unstable and angry. So his mood alone was affecting his memories of our marriage.
It's like when you're really sick and you start remembering all the times you've been sick and it seems like you're always sick and you feel like life = suffering. Then, you get better and your outlook is suddenly bright. Or how all problems seem worse in the middle of the night. Or even how my lovely children suddenly become super annoying when I'm running late.
Of course, the reason WS's are unhappy in their marriage is because cheating liars don't tend to be blissful when confronted with their scumminess. But it seems easy for them to blame their unhappiness on us, in the present and eventually extending back through the past as they retrieve and doctor their memories.
fWH actually got to the point where he said to me, "I can't think of one good thing about this marriage." It was like he had brainwashed himself. You do have to laugh at the absurdity!
One good thing is that a remorseful WS can reverse the revisionist history. I read a suggestion for rebuilding couples to come up with a Top Ten highlights list together with marriage memories. In fact, I figure we should use the suggestibility of memory to our advantage. Exaggerate the good points. Make the stories as sweet as we want them to be.