Member # 40758
| Posted: 11:42 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013|
SI virgin. DD 8-17-13. Married 19 years, % school age children. Hoping to receive lots of support. For a short while I thought I was the only one out there going through this. I am sadden to realize that when I was discovering the A. Many others were going through the same. A diagnosis of cancer would bring the support of family and friends. The discovery of a WS's A leaves you floating alone. I have confided in a dear friend who has been very supportive and has offered valued advice. I discovered a text message on WS phone from OW that ended in "LU". My husband at first denied anything romantic. Claiming she is a women and they will say that. Though he looked like he swallowed a frog. I then knew. I had been mildly suspicious for awhile. Had at times thought about investigating further. He had become easily irritated, distant, not interested in house. This was not consistent. Which is why I would think I was going crazy. I became irritable. He still functioned as a husband and father. Was active with kids activities. Was home every night (but it became later). I just sensed something was wrong. When that txt came through I had no doubt what was going on. WS took 3 days to admit to everything. What i did not know was... the A was going on about 3 years. WS has told me OW came to his office for an appointment ( he is in the medical field) Her extended family has been clients of WS for years. OW asked if she could help him in office to help pay her bill as she was going through difficult time. WS allowed her to do simple things in office. OW then began to tell WS about her husband leaving for younger OW. THey hugged and consoled, and the A began. I now can understand that I was not crazy, my mood swings were justified. WS states that it happened because we were not as intimate, I was busy with the kid, He said he was feeling depressed as he turned 50. WS saw his life changing. And OW touched WS that day in a way that made WS young again. I was shocked. As we were both involved with kids and their activities, active in the school, being together as a family was important to us. We still were intimate. I do look back now and see that the last 2 years I did 90% of work around house, child care. We were a team, and I thought he was busy at work, Hmmm! I did express to WS that I was beginning to feel burned out, as the kids schedules were busy, my work was expecting longer hours. I talked about feeing the pressure of working, being a mom, and a wife. WS agreed, but would say " I'M working hard too!!. On vacation this summer we had one night without kids, I told WS how relaxed this felt, and that i'm looking forward to our years with the kids grown , how nice it will be as we were cuddling outside, WS agreed. WS threw my a surprise 50th for 60 people, One WEEK BEFORE DD !! Im so confused. WS came out told his parents everything. WS went to the priest and told him everything. Then came to me. WS said the A it made him feel dirty, cheap. WS wanted to end it ,but thought she would tell BS. OW was asking for $. BS gave OW $, Im not defending WS by her behavior. He made a choice i know. BS wants to R. He wants MC.. I am very confused by length of affair. Him being able to be part of a family while involved with someone else. I can't look at a picture, or think of any event without knowing WS was with OW. At first i contact a lawyer. I knew this was impulsive, and I waited, Talk to close friend. And have had many talks with WS. WS has been sincere, crying. WS has changed his hours to be home for kids, doing laundry, cleaning, helping with homework.. Kids are responding positively. Bs can now see how dysfunctional we became. WS has arranged kids so we could go out and talk. BS feels nice when we are together. Feels like a date. WS states he never relized what I was going through at home and the stress I was under. WS wants to work hard to make our relationship work. WS told OW never to call him again. Though OW called once to ask for a job reference. WS said yes, WS told me he felt sorry for what he did to her. BS does not agree. BS feels like im on a roller coaster. Bs wants to kick him out. Then BS feels, and remembers the love and times we shared and it feels nice together, We are sleeping together. BS is confused if this is happening to fast. Is it wrong to get emotionally reconnected so soon.. Any advice on knowing if WS spouse is sincere. Or is BS the next best thing since OW gone. MC starts next week , BS hopes to gather more insight then, I have had 2 sessions with IC.
Posts: 116 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 24572
| Posted: 12:27 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013|
The shock and pain of this is awful, just one of the worst things you can ever go through. Please post often here, you will find many friends, lots of advice and support. One thing I will say is that it does sound like you have choices, whereas in my situation I didn't. My STBXWH told me himself about OW,only broke up with her under extreme pressure from me and the kids, and then only for a few weeks before starting up again. He always said he loved her, she was 'the woman he loved', I 'didn't know what love was'. Yours appears to want to stay with you. I would trust nothing at this point, and read some of the literature in the Healing Library to help you decide whether you want to continue with this or not. I'm glad you've confided in a friend, though... mine were what got me through. Please keep letting us know how you are, and treat yourself very gently at this really stressful moment.
Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
Posts: 1462 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK