"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

heartbroken30 posted 9/24/2013 12:49 PM

Hey everyone. Lately I have been feeling very lonely. I have been apart from XWH for almost 6 years. No regrets there. I ended a relationship that wasn't right for me about 6 months ago. I've always been an independent girl and up until recently, wasn't very concerned about having or not having a partner. But lately, I feel so lonely. I have plenty of great people around me, family, my kids, great friends and coworkers. I try to focus on those relationships, but lately I feel like something is missing. I miss having a partner. I also feel like there is no end in sight. I joined old, but haven't had much luck. I get initial interest, but either they are from men I am not interested in, or emails start and then stop. I went on one date last week, it went great, he asked me out again during the date, kissed me. He called me that night when I got home. Then I heard nothing. It's getting a little depressing. I can't help but think maybe it's me. I don't know. I find myself dwelling on finding a relationship, and I know that isn't healthy. Maybe I need to go back into IC. I just am afraid I'll be alone the rest of my life.

Thanks for listening.

Ms_Strong posted 9/24/2013 21:30 PM

Hi heartbroken30,
I was on SI tonight because I was just going to post about feeling lonely too. Just wanted to reach out to you to give you a hug.
I too am pretty independent but I really feel like there is a hole, I want someone to be next to me.

I can't help but think maybe it's me.

Sometimes we blame ourselves for things that aren't right, internalizing it. It probably isn't you. But maybe that sense of desperation is turning off potential boyfriends. You know what I mean, I bet you can sense it in a man if they are too desperate.

I find myself dwelling on finding a relationship, and I know that isn't healthy.

So true.
Apart from the usual advice about taking up a hobby, going to the gym, going out with friends, etc; all I want to do is just say to you, that I heard you this evening.
IC is probably a good idea. I'm thinking of doing the same.
One thing we can't be afraid of is to be alone. We must have the courage to face it alone, and probably will find a companion along the way. Or else it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy (the smell of desperation.) Sending you lots of good vibes and hugs.

heartbroken30 posted 9/24/2013 22:16 PM

Thank you Ms. Strong. I really needed to be heard tonight. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely too. Hugs...

fraeuken posted 9/24/2013 22:27 PM

Heartbroken, I am so there with you tonight. Feeling lonely and gutted to my core. I want to believe I can love again but I can't see it. Just want to let you know you are heard!

heartbroken30 posted 9/24/2013 22:37 PM

Thank you fraeuken. And I want you to know I have been following your threads. I am so sorry for what that jerk put you through. You deserve so much better than him. I'm sorry you are lonely too. Don't call him!

I really feel like I will never find anyone and I can't see past it right now.

traicionada posted 9/25/2013 07:50 AM

(((HB30)))
Sometimes, we might get a bit jaded but the important thing is that you're still able to recognize your needs as well as what you already have going fantastic in life. This blue feeling shall pass soon

Williesmom posted 9/25/2013 14:53 PM

Yep. There are times when I think "Where IS he?.

Surely he's out there. I just keep telling myself that he is living the life and experiences that will make him the person that I need him to be.

better4me posted 9/25/2013 22:52 PM

((big group hug)) No advice cuz I'm right there with you...I'm not giving up on finding someone, and I'm back on old sending out "feelers" and getting a few nibbles...but it sure gets discouraging sometimes...

heartbroken30 posted 9/27/2013 13:42 PM

I'm feeling a little bit better these past few days. Sure, the rejection hurts a bit, but better now than later I suppose. I'm trying to turn my
Focus inward. I'm thinking that i need to work on myself a bit more as I've been feeling very insecure lately. I made an IC appointment for next week.