I wish I could have taken time off. I have taken a day here and a day there, called in sick quite a bit, but it has helped. I did it on the days I just couldn't do it, couldn't make it. I am only 2 months out from DDay 1, 1 month from DDay 2. Very hard to cope, but getting better.
Talk to somebody, spend some time with a friend. Take care of yourself .
I would, however, suggest you think about taking a few days off and then seeing if you can have some flex time.
IMO, the worst thing to do is to give 100% of your time and energy to try and figure this all out. It is consuming enough but for many, work can be a much needed distraction from the world of uncertainty and unanswered questions.
You will NEVER understand the HOW or the WHY. Regardless of the "reasons" it is unfathomable for those who have never cheated.
It is like trying to understand why a terrorist chooses to blow himself up and injure and kill innocent people around him.
Please do what you need to do but focus on healing. Focus on putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward somehow, someway.
IC is a great place to start.
Take some time but know that you will truly need a break from the affair as well.
Good luck and know that we are all here rooting you on.
Good luck and prayers.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:18 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]
I am currently a stay at home mom, and quite honestly, I don't know how much longer I can do it. The first second that I start thinking about the A, I can't stop thinking about it the rest of the day. I am looking into jobs, as a distraction.
Good luck with your decision!
I could hardly function at work for the first month or two. Certainly my masters study went on the back-burner as my concentration for well over 6 months was like that of a goldfish.
I had a fortnight off work - although it was because of WH's mental health issues (acute depression and suicide attempt) when I told him to leave for breaking NC. I was so pleased to get back to my work team after that. They have been the most supportive group possible and it is one place where everyone knows about his affairs and I don't have to feel like I am keeping secrets.
Do what is best for you, but make sure there are people around to support you in whatever decision you make.
At the same time, not sure if staying home on the couch wallowing and having that idle time to dwell and over think would have done me any good either.
I would say that if you are able to take the time off without causing yourself more stress,
AND you have a clear plan of action for yourself to work on during your time off than I say it could be a good idea and might help you get over the hump or funk or whatever you are trying to accomplish.
Like others said already, you need to do what you think is best for you.
From my experience, and what I've read here, it won't take an entire 2 months before you are able to function.
The first couple of weeks are the worst. After that, one can function better (get up, take a shower, cook dinner, etc.) but the mind is still very focused on the pain and the A. However, it is possible to get some things done.
Is it possible for you to just take a couple of weeks off, and then re-evaluate and see how you feel then?
Like you, I could barely function. I had 4 children under 13 at the time, and I was like a zombie, barely doing the minimum needed to take care of myself and my children. If I hadn't had to get up, I wouldn't have...ever...again.
Eventually the shock and constant numb pain wear off, and the flashes and stabs of pain start. After that, the anger sets in.
I know you feel like you are going to die from the pain, literally. I thought death would be better than the pain I felt. But all us BS'es are still here, alive and feeling better over time.
You will too. Really.
His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley
Love Busters by Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband by Reb Bradley
BTW over 3/4 of the people in my group of 25 were there because their H cheated on them!!!!! We were all very normal people -- not what I had stereotyped in my mind.
It helped me SO MUCH!!! 3 weeks of all day therapy is like a year of 1xweek counseling.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:47 AM, September 27th (Friday)]
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Diving into an uncertain outcome, is not a sign of weakness.
Taking care of yourself and knowing what you need in order to do that, will make you stronger.
Regarding taking time off from work. I really like the idea of taking a few days off. Fortunately for me, my DDay was on a holiday weekend, so had an extra day or two. I work from home, so I'm luckier than most I suppose. I do remember the first day back at my desk was a complete and absolute fog. Looking back, I was probably only 50% there for several months, even now I don't feel like 100% and it's been 8 months. My supervisor only knows I had "trouble" at home and has been very supportive. Hopefully yours will be too, but as a manager myself, I struggle when I have someone out of the office long term, so have an honest talk. They may prefer you be there, even at 50%, than not at all. In all honesty, the 50% that I was there, was healthy. At least that way I didn't focus 100% of my energy on what happened.
Sorry for a long reply, but hopefully you'll find something in there of use. Take care of yourself!!
How are you holding up?