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The light bulb finally went off

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PrincessPeach06 posted 9/24/2013 14:21 PM

Last night the light bulb went off in my head. For 16 years I have lived in fear of WS. He never once expressed unconditional love to me and so I hid things - finances, speeding tickets, shopping, etc if I thought he would get mad. We did discuss it and it was a long but nice talk but i realized I am still doing it and I'm done. I'm working on it and I know my fear didn't happen overnight so it will take time.

I also realized that forgiveness is key for me. While working on myself I decided I am tired on the anger and bitterness that seeps out into my life. It comes out toward my kids, family, friends, life in general and it isn't necessary. In forgiving I am not saying I am healed or that there won't be feelings of anger but I am choosing not to let it take away my joy or affect those around me who have done nothing to hurt me. I realize that with time I even have to choose to forgive OW.

I have also been putting WS first for far too long and always worrying about his thoughts/feelings/actions and I know I can't control him. What I hope he does is continue to love, respect me and work on himself but I can't make him. I can only choose for myself to be happy, do the things I enjoy and love and take care of my kids.

I know I'm rambling but it's been a good "me" day and I want to reflect on these thoughts/feelings when a bad day hits.

LosferWords posted 9/24/2013 15:39 PM

I think this is a great step. The only person you can ultimately control is yourself.

I'm glad you were having a good day today. Hoping you have many more.

Skan posted 9/24/2013 16:37 PM

Keep walking forward, sistah! You've go some good realizations going on!

Simple posted 9/24/2013 16:40 PM

You and I had similar light bulbs!

These 2 quotes from you says it best for me as well.

In forgiving I am not saying I am healed or that there won't be feelings of anger but I am choosing not to let it take away my joy or affect those around me who have done nothing to hurt me.

What I hope he does is continue to love, respect me and work on himself but I can't make him. I can only choose for myself to be happy

More power to you, no matter what happens.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/24/2013 16:53 PM

Some great insights Princess.

However, I don't feel you have to do this, evah.

I realize that with time I even have to choose to forgive OW.

It might happen, but don't put pressure on yourself that you have to forgive the OW. I feel I will get to indifference for the OW, but I don't know if I'll ever get to forgiveness. And that is just fine, I will heal regardless.

PrincessPeach06 posted 9/25/2013 06:08 AM

Indifference would be ok with me, I can't say anything negative on this board but there are a lot of other options that would be ok with me too.

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