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Newest Member: losang88 (46970)

User Topic: The light bulb finally went off
PrincessPeach06
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night the light bulb went off in my head. For 16 years I have lived in fear of WS. He never once expressed unconditional love to me and so I hid things - finances, speeding tickets, shopping, etc if I thought he would get mad. We did discuss it and it was a long but nice talk but i realized I am still doing it and I'm done. I'm working on it and I know my fear didn't happen overnight so it will take time.

I also realized that forgiveness is key for me. While working on myself I decided I am tired on the anger and bitterness that seeps out into my life. It comes out toward my kids, family, friends, life in general and it isn't necessary. In forgiving I am not saying I am healed or that there won't be feelings of anger but I am choosing not to let it take away my joy or affect those around me who have done nothing to hurt me. I realize that with time I even have to choose to forgive OW.

I have also been putting WS first for far too long and always worrying about his thoughts/feelings/actions and I know I can't control him. What I hope he does is continue to love, respect me and work on himself but I can't make him. I can only choose for myself to be happy, do the things I enjoy and love and take care of my kids.

I know I'm rambling but it's been a good "me" day and I want to reflect on these thoughts/feelings when a bad day hits.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is a great step. The only person you can ultimately control is yourself.

I'm glad you were having a good day today. Hoping you have many more.


“When we protect ourselves so we won't feel pain, that protection becomes like armor, like armor that imprisons the softness of of the heart.” ― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 10405 | Registered: Dec 2010
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep walking forward, sistah! You've go some good realizations going on!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5550 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Simple
♀ 18814
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and I had similar light bulbs!

These 2 quotes from you says it best for me as well.

In forgiving I am not saying I am healed or that there won't be feelings of anger but I am choosing not to let it take away my joy or affect those around me who have done nothing to hurt me.

What I hope he does is continue to love, respect me and work on himself but I can't make him. I can only choose for myself to be happy

More power to you, no matter what happens.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some great insights Princess.

However, I don't feel you have to do this, evah.

I realize that with time I even have to choose to forgive OW.

It might happen, but don't put pressure on yourself that you have to forgive the OW. I feel I will get to indifference for the OW, but I don't know if I'll ever get to forgiveness. And that is just fine, I will heal regardless.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10482 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
PrincessPeach06
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Indifference would be ok with me, I can't say anything negative on this board but there are a lot of other options that would be ok with me too.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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