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Newest Member: timeheals (61501)

User Topic: What is wrong with me....
♀ 35969
Member # 35969
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been a while since I last posted but I have realized that lately I am struggling and need to reach out for support.

Since I last posted I graduated nursing school (received an award and was amongst the top of my class), passed my licensure (RN.....whoooooo!) and began working. WH spent 3 months taking care of his mom who has cancer and then received a change in his military orders, which allows him to be closer (his previous orders put him VERY far away). He is now living 4 hours away from us and I plan to follow once I can find a job.

So that is the recap. My WH is the model H but I feel like I have hit a wall. I think about the EA every day. I struggle with feelings of not being good enough....not smart enough, not pretty enough, etc. Just not enough..... I feel like I will never be able to meet his needs like she did. Will there ever be a point where I don't feel like a broken hot mess anymore? I want my confidence back.....

Me - 38, Him - 36
Married - 13 years
Three kiddos (oldest is mine) - 10, 12,15
DDay #1 - 4/21/2012, Discovered 3 mo. EA (texts, phone calls, nude pics, sexting, 1 kiss)
R - 4/24/12.

Posts: 292 | Registered: Jun 2012
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you guys spend a considerable amount of time apart from each other due to your circumstances. Combine that with the additional emotion drain of taking care of a sick parent and I see ample reasons why your progress is slowed....but you already realize this, and have a plan to reunite under the same roof in the near future.

So I don't think anything is wrong with you.

While the pain and hurt all BS feel after the betrayal of an A is NOT unique, our journey through the experience differs greatly.

Be gentle on yourself. Try not to compare your journey through this with others. I don't see anything wrong with you.

What I DO see is a compassionate husband (taking care of his Mom, doing his part to help you heal) and a smart wife (congrats on your academic accomplishments!).

Keep the faith!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:08 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I doubt that I could have healed to where I am, had I not been with my FWH. Long distance relationships do not work at all for me.

And CONGRADULATIONS on your passing you tests and being certified! That's wonderful!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10058 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 26854
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations on all your achievements.
I just posted something about how sometimes I feel that I didn't get any of the real story from my husband. I bid e with all my heart I did but I think these insecurities, yours and mine, come from not allowing ourselves to be truly happy. I keep thinking it is impossible that I can be this happy after my husband had an affair. So what do we do? We look for other things to worry about. JMHO

DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1670 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
Topic Posts: 4

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