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What is wrong with me....

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mamak posted 9/24/2013 15:50 PM

It has been a while since I last posted but I have realized that lately I am struggling and need to reach out for support.

Since I last posted I graduated nursing school (received an award and was amongst the top of my class), passed my licensure (RN.....whoooooo!) and began working. WH spent 3 months taking care of his mom who has cancer and then received a change in his military orders, which allows him to be closer (his previous orders put him VERY far away). He is now living 4 hours away from us and I plan to follow once I can find a job.

So that is the recap. My WH is the model H but I feel like I have hit a wall. I think about the EA every day. I struggle with feelings of not being good enough....not smart enough, not pretty enough, etc. Just not enough..... I feel like I will never be able to meet his needs like she did. Will there ever be a point where I don't feel like a broken hot mess anymore? I want my confidence back.....

blakesteele posted 9/24/2013 16:04 PM

Sounds like you guys spend a considerable amount of time apart from each other due to your circumstances. Combine that with the additional emotion drain of taking care of a sick parent and I see ample reasons why your progress is slowed....but you already realize this, and have a plan to reunite under the same roof in the near future.

So I don't think anything is wrong with you.

While the pain and hurt all BS feel after the betrayal of an A is NOT unique, our journey through the experience differs greatly.

Be gentle on yourself. Try not to compare your journey through this with others. I don't see anything wrong with you.

What I DO see is a compassionate husband (taking care of his Mom, doing his part to help you heal) and a smart wife (congrats on your academic accomplishments!).

Keep the faith!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:08 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]

Skan posted 9/24/2013 16:53 PM

I doubt that I could have healed to where I am, had I not been with my FWH. Long distance relationships do not work at all for me.

And CONGRADULATIONS on your passing you tests and being certified! That's wonderful!

Deanna posted 9/24/2013 23:13 PM

Mamak,
Congratulations on all your achievements.
I just posted something about how sometimes I feel that I didn't get any of the real story from my husband. I bid e with all my heart I did but I think these insecurities, yours and mine, come from not allowing ourselves to be truly happy. I keep thinking it is impossible that I can be this happy after my husband had an affair. So what do we do? We look for other things to worry about. JMHO

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