Please visit the "Just Found Out" forum and actively learn about two components to adultery...this is critical.
Component 1. The Fog.
Component 2. 180
I see you are very close to your DD. My DD occurred...we were in weekly MC sessions, some of our friends knew...and, yet, my wife decided to take her A underground and nurtured it from an EA to a PA during this period. This was followed by trickle truthing and me having a DD#2.
A frim line was drawn, I confronted her OM...which very much angered my wife as her affair "was probably officially over now thanks to blakesteele". Yep...angry at me. The fog is in some ways worse then the actual affair.
NC was broken via an email to her OM....he did not respond. I only learned of this breach over 2 months later...which was 3 months past her last contact with him. This NC length of time was the time necessary for my wife to break her addiction. I think your husband is way to close to his "fix" to be fully broken from it.
When asked why she broke NC and sent the email "Looking for closure" was the first answer. The real answer was one last cast into the pond...see if I got any nibbles. In my case my wifes OM gets the credit for ending her A. Upset me for a while, because I know full well if he had blinked at all at her it would be off to the races again, but then her A is over...so I processed through this and reached forgiveness.
Sadly, what you are experiencing really is the norm. It is a rare WS indeed who breaks their A off quickly, completely and honestly.
(((Loadsofchocolate))) This is unlike anything I ever thought I would be subject too.
Take time for yourself...don't rush into any decisions...such as forgiving him, divorcing, R, separation....try to learn to float. The "emotional roller coaster" has its name for a reason.
God be with you.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 3:24 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]