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				    				 Peanut5 (original poster  member #36051)		posted at 10:15 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013	
			 
	I was thinking (obsessing) over ow again.  And I suddenly realized that in some strange way, doesn't that mean that in some ironic way that I would be having a one sided affair     I don't tell him that I'm thinking of her. And sometimes it's at times when I should be focused on him. Or something else important.  Sorta made me realize the harm I'm doing 
 
			 	 			 
				    				jo2love ( member #31528)		posted at 12:02 AM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013	
			 
	(((Peanut5))) 
 
 
	I don't look at it as a one sided affair.  She caused you pain and your brain is trying to wrap itself around how this could have happened.  It normal to have thoughts about the OW/OM.  As time passes, the thoughts will lessen. 
 
			 	 			 
				    				ladies_first ( member #24643)		posted at 2:17 AM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013	
			 
	Commending you on your insight. 
 
 
	Another good question to ask yourself -- when you get stuck on obsessing on anything in life -- is: 
 
 
	What am I getting out of this? 
 
 
	Usually it comes down to control or anger or safety, all of which are masking FEAR ... and stalling forward action. 
 
 
	Perhaps a better question is: What am I afraid of? 
 
 
	
[This message edited by ladies_first at 8:17 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)] 
 
			 			"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell 
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway
		
	 	 
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