When I was at conference last week I read an email note dated Feb. 2013 between my H and his boss. I learned of the A Dec. 2012. The PA ended one year prior.
Boss asked him how things were going (he does this every year during prime time). He also said that if the staff at head office could be of any support, please call. H replied that several people had been of great help and named 4-5 of them. One of those people was the AP.
Now. If you were reading my conference notes from last week you will know that this seriously pissed me off.
"Why on earth would you commend to your boss, the person who helped violate our marriage?" I asked. One poster suggested he was still foggy. Okay. Another offered that perhaps it was bc he was calling out another person who shared duties with AP and to name one and not the other would have looked strange. Perhaps so but....I read all of the notes from AP and the other employee for this particular project and there was nothing wow about her help or his for that matter. BTW, he shared all those notes with me back in Feb.
I asked him if he perhaps wanted to pacify her. Calm the waters a little. Communicate, via the boss that he appreciated her help. That he felt sorry for her. He said (what many of us hear), "I don't know. I don't even remember writing that."
Do you remember me in Feb.? I asked. Do you remember my face? How devastated I was? He did. Then why, I asked? He just shook his head and then vowed never to write her name again in a correspondence again. And if he had too he would share with me. I believe he would do that now.
I realized the other day that had I read that email back in Feb., I would have told him to get the hell out. It would have been one more thing to deal with. A bucket-emptier so-to-speak.
Besides the usual ebb and flow R has been going well. I believe we are stronger then ever. Esp after conference. But I did ask him to think about why he did that and get back to me. And if he still doesn't know it will be one more thing to add to the, Don't have to understand to Accept list.