I haven't communicated with my WH in 6 weeks. It's been hell really. I need to focus on me and healing but I miss him. I only think of the good things. I need to remember all the terrible things he said and did to me.
My state has a no fault divorce now. All a person needs to do is say the marriage hasn't worked for them in 6 months. Then we settle the finances, assets, debts. I'm not ready for that.
I still love this bastard. I keep taking my rings off and then putting them back on again.
The silence is killing me. It is giving me clarity too. When I stop by the house to get the mail, our pictures are still out.
I'm exhausted from sobbing. From living. I hate my life so much.
I remember on DD I told him I was terrified of living this life with him and living a life without him. I hate living a life without him..I miss him so much.
Today I do not want a divorce. I just want to feel better..
And I think I do as crazy as it seems. I'm not anxious anymore. Just sad. So deeply sad..
So isolated. Ignored. Unwanted.
D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012