First DDAY was about 9 months ago when I found out that WH had been emailing, texting calling and meeting up with his ex fiancÚ (from over 25 years ago)... When I confronted him he said they were just 2 friends meeting for lunch. His only mistake was not telling me earlier...
He said there was nothing in it, but he was saying things in emails that he wouldn't say if I was sitting next to him. He even emailed her on my birthday to arrange to see her.
And this had been going on for 4 years???!!! WTF???
So he begged me to trust him again, swore NC with her, promised to quit drinking, swore it was only ever me amd their was no one else. We even tried MC...what a joke, he was so defensive we didn't go back.
Fast forward to August, drink had wormed itself back in, one night after being at the pub all afternoon ( he had a stressful morning bless him!) when he should have been spending a Saturday with his kids, I came home from work early and told him not to bother coming home, stay in the pub.
So when he came back and passed out, much much later, I thought I would check to see if he was still in contact with this EA OW. Nope...relief...
So I thought I would check he web browser on his phone to see if he was looking at ways to help with his alcohol addiction...
Ha fat chance.
I found a web page to a massage parlour....and he had phoned the number soon after I told him to stay away...
The next morning I told him I couldn't walk this alcoholic path any more with him and told him he had to leave, oh and by the way..."I hope you enjoyed your massage!"
I stood firm and made him leave. TT over the past month has revealed chasing escorts, web porn, live chats and webcam stuff, dating sites, meeting up from someone on Craigslist and more than one happy endings massage...
"But it's ok, that was just a release, and there was only thrill in chasing them' I didn't do anything"
He swears no full sex, but funny I'm having a hard time believing this.
To be fair, since I made him go, he hasn't had a drink, joined AA, and is beginning to work on himself. He wants to be a better man and come back home. I know I should be compassionate and understanding, supportive etc
But in reality, I have never felt such pain. The betrayal and loss is HUGE,
This has been going on for 7+ years, almost a third of our marriage!
Things were getting back to as if nothing had happened, I was beginning to feel better, stronger, until this weekend. We tried to have a family meal, but my DD couldn't even sit at the table, she felt physically ill (much how I felt when I jfo) you see, she heard us arguing, she knows what WH did, she couldn't play happy families.
To see her hurting so much, the pain came flooding back all over again. This was beginning to get swept under the carpet, back to normality.
In reality, his actions broke this, we didn't ask for any of this, nothing is being blown out of proportion. He changed everything.
I can't ever trust him again.
Sorry about the long post, I needed to get this off my chest. I am so torn between standing my ground being strong and holding on to my values of this being a deal breaker for me. Or to let it go and R...