I am getting really annoyed with H. I don't know if I am pushing him too far or if he just wants me to shut up about the affair.
On my good days he is great but when I get down and want him to explain something he is getting really grumpy and reminding me it's all making him ill.
During the affair he lost 2 stone, lost sleep and has now developed high bp and his migraines are making a return after years of being almost free of them.
Last night I asked him how he could spend all of his time when he was not in the same room texting her. I go to bed at 10 and they text 10-12 every night and through days at weekends too. I don't get how he could do it under our roof when I was there too.
He got really snappy and said when you figure it out let me know cos I have no idea where my head was.
Thing is he gets really cold with me and super defensive. I really get the impression he just wants me to shut up and get on with it. He reminds me all the time I am making him ill by bringing it up and that he is sorry, knows he won't do it again and can't change what he did as much as he would like to.
He wants us to move forward so he can forget and start to heal. He starts to make progress then I ask a question we have been through before and he reminds me we have already discussed this and puts his defences up. He says he understands I need to keep asking stuff and bringing it up but he needs to move past it and focus on the future and he can't when I keep bringing it up.
It doesn't seem fair to me. All this has made me incredibly ill, not playing tit for tat but I have a mental illness as well as physical ones and lost my dad in the middle of it. Where does helping me heal come into it?
He has been great up to now but it's only been 3 months since I got the truth. He seems to think we have covered all we need to and it's time to put it in the past. He scowls anytime it's mentioned and I am starting to withdraw from him again out of resentment that he wants me to put it all behind me for his sake. It was him who caused all this grief!
Rant over - sorry