It will be two months next week since I learned my husband slept with his ex girlfriend and then continued on an EA for about ten months or more.
Since then my husband has asked for us to go to counseling and seems to be making every effort to repair our broken marriage.
I have had to drag some more truth out of him, which is exhausting, but yesterday my counselor suggested I stop digging, for my own health, and try to concentrate on repairing the marriage from here on out. She wants me to look toward the future and not at the past.
My problem is the past relates a lot to the future, but anyhow...one thing that bothers me out of all of this is that for 10 months my husband had someone else interested in him and that boosted his ego, I think. It made him feel wanted, even though I have wanted him since we first met 14 years ago.
During that time I often felt unwanted and alone. I spent many nights alone and in tears because he said he was working late.
My husband has never acted jealous of me talking to any other men and always seems to think I should be the one who will always be here because no one else will ever want me. THat changed a little bit since all of this was dragged out in the open, by me (I don't believe he has voluntarily told me ONE thing this whole time. I have asked him everything and had to grill him about all of it).
After Dday I had a falling out with my SIL (very long story) and then contacted her husband to ask him how I could make ammends with her. Instead of talking about that he wanted to talk about me and he said he wanted to cheer me up.
The conversation got out of hand and he said he wanted to help me get over my husband's A by meeting up with me and helping me "forgive" H for what he'd done.
IN other words: he wanted to screw awhile so i could feel better about the betrayal. At first I thought he was kidding, but then he started to get more serious...even planning out where we could meet. He is married to my husband's sister!
I was sort of flattered by all of this...I won't lie. My husband had cheated on me..seemed to make it clear I was not wanted...called his freaking ex his "angel" (gag) and here was someone paying attention to me. I flirted back a little bit but eventually told him thanks for trying to cheer me up with the fake flirting but that was enough. He said he wasn't faking it.
As a sign of faith to my husband and in an effort to encourage him to keep being honest (after I dragged one of the final lies from him..which involved a trip he was taking seven states away to see the AP) I told him everything my BIL had said to me ... within reason... my husband acted upset, but not real upset. That pissed me off...it was like he was thinking "Please...like anyone else would want her." But maybe it was just too much for him to think about with everything else he had to think about -- the marriage he had destroyed..the family (families) he had destroyed...
A week or so later he started bringing it up...making comments that he couldn't believe he had to worry that his BIL was going to go after his wife.. He'll make these comments off and on. Since the SIL and I are nto talking (I did nothing but that side of the family cut me right off as if I'd had the affair!) we don't have to worry about family gatherings right now, but H says he's worried about any future family events.
This has seemed to be the only time -- ever -- that he has seemed to realize someone else could walk away with me and I know it's wrong but I like that he seems to be a little upset.I like that he sees that what he has done to me has me thinking ... "DO I really want this man?" I like that he is jealous and worried and I hope it will make him fight even harder to keep me around. HE tends to hide and run away, so who knows if that will happen or not.
And to clarify: NO I would not have an A with the BIL. I do NOT find him attractive and I do NOT find men who hit on married women attractive at all. (Sorry to any WS who see this..I am not trying to take a jab at you.) But I like that WS thinks I might would. And yes, I recognize that is warped and kind of sad on my part. :(
Also, I deleted the BIL from my FB, blocked his number on my cell when my husband did the same with the AP (in front of me) I have no idea, however, how we will handle future meetings with that side of the family if we ever do start talking again.