My problem is that one of his friends cheated on his girl (they have been together forever and have kids together) with a much younger girl and runs a bar. I do not want WH hanging out with him. I don't need that worry in my life regardless of WH's "barriers". I don't need this guy shoving girls at my husband to help him feel better (his friend knows that he cheated btw).
I asked WH to please not go to this friends bar while he is there. Is this out of line?
[This message edited by mamak at 11:38 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]
Wedding: April 9, 1994
Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
I do not have it all together.
To me the point is not that WH might in some way be "tempted", but that by being friends with these people we would be indirectly condoning infidelity.
Part of healing and R is surrounding yourselves with people that make you feel safe. friends of the marriage. This friend violates that feeling of safety because he is NOT a friend of the marriage. While your WH may have his boundaries in check, this friend may not, and that just creates an environment for fear, doubt & miscommunication of intentions.
Loosing friends and friendships is a sad consequence in the aftermath of an A....but one that has to happen in order for healing to take place.
You are making the right decision. Be sure to communicate your feelings to your WH, and let him know its not a "wifey says no" wrist slap kind of thing.....its all about creating a safe environment for R. if your WH is on the same page, he wont have any problem not hanging out with this friend.
hugs to you.
[This message edited by BW2639 at 10:21 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]
So many affairs are triggered with the death of a loved one. My FWH met his predatory OW the year his father died. I also got a diagnosis of cancer a month after FIL's death. Add to that FWH's unresolved FOO issues and it was just a matter of time.
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 10:36 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson