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Just when I thought he finally came clean...

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cl131716 posted 9/26/2013 00:25 AM

I started analyzing the conversation we had last night. There was a previous coworker he had deleted messages for as well. I was able to catch her say "I got my belly button pierced and a new tattoo." Next time I check the conversation is gone. I asked Ws about it last night because I was very curious what was said that he felt the need to delete it. He told me she has told him she was cheating on her husband (immediately said not with him) and she asked him to delete it. It didn't really make sense but the conversation got shifted so I didn't think about it much. Then it struck me....first why would she confide in a previous coworker she is cheating and why would she ask him to delete it??? Where is the risk on his side. He fell asleep about an hour before I started to think about it, I'm up with our son, but I really needed an answer so I woke him up. He asked what was wrong and I told him I was thinking more about the situation. He turned his back and said he was tired and going to bed. He seemed to finally be coming around and really trying to fix things and bam I feel rejected again. I hate feeling like this every other day. I just wish I knew everything!

wifeno2 posted 9/26/2013 02:51 AM

Your WS sounds a lot like mine in some ways. And he had been a lifelong cheater, he especially liked married women. He felt NO guilt. He said that "as long as no one finds out I'm not doing anything wrong." This may be your WS thought process too. He enjoys what he is doing. He will not want to stop. He will do/say whatever he has to to keep it going.

You may never know the whole truth. I still get TT three years later. But what concerns me is that it doesn't seem that your WS has stopped. He doesn't sound remorseful, isn't recognizing dangerous behavior isn't being honest.

I would encourage you to take a deep breath, a step back and 180. Is this the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Is he living up to YOUR standards? Are you getting your needs met?

(((cll31716)))

HurtsButImOK posted 9/26/2013 04:35 AM

so sorry for your pain.

Deleting texts = HUGE RED FLAG

If there was nothing to hide he would not have deleted them.

Gaslighting is an amazing phenomenon. I found myself only relatively recently able to replay scenes in which I was gaslit over the years and it left me going WTF! When you are still in it, it can be so very hard to see. Trust your gut.

Be kind to yourself, try the 180, find your inner strength and self esteem.

((hugs))

cl131716 posted 9/26/2013 13:03 PM

Wifeno2-no my needs were not being met! We had a conversation about a week before dday and we both admitted needs were not being met. At the time I was pregnant and had a 13 month old. He said I didn't give him enough attention. So I made an effort to do so. A week later I saw the messages. I think I am being gaslighted, I don't know. He sounds to sincere and willing to do anything but my gut keeps telling me there's more. Could it be just paranoia?

cl131716 posted 9/27/2013 04:33 AM

So I made him message her in front of me to see if he was telling the truth. He asked how the situation was going that they spoke about earlier. She replied "crazy, I will call you in a bit. Are you at work?" He replied no so she said she would message him later. I had to go to work and he told me she never messaged him. *sigh* He was acting strange when I got home though. Ugh I think it may have backfired.

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