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Since it happened I have always managed to stay professional at work (or at least look professional).
Today I dont know what happened, I was sorting out visitation for my children and had what Im guessing is a panic attack, my heart started beating hard and I couldn't catch my breath or focus on anything, I walked into the locker room and punched a locker. After a while I came out and nobody said anything but it was loud so they definately heard.
I'm always focused and never get angry but since it happened this is the third time, the other times I was safe in my house though.

[This message edited by surprise at 5:38 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]

It's ok surprise. It's going to happen. This has happened to me several times at work as well. In fact on Tuesday I was having a panic attack and needed to leave my classroom to calm down. I ended up leaving later in the day.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Also, don't punch things. You'll end hurting your hand more than the locker.

We've all been there.

Do not be hard on yourself.

Fortunately, each and everyday it becomes easier to function in our "old" routines.

Cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit for the professionalism you've been able to maintain. It is a sign of your strength.

You are walking through hell now. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this misery.

I had 2 of the 3 panic attacks of my life at work (all post-DD). I was mortified. I'm an Executive Assistant and I ALWAYS keep my cool. Yet there I was under my desk with my head between my legs.

I noticed that my lips started tingling right before an attack kicked in. I learned to STOP whatever I was doing when I felt the tingle and centre myself. I'm not a hippy but I found staying in the moment and closing my eyes to focus my hearing on what was happening around me helped me feel centred. I staved off several further episodes using this technique.

Be gentle with yourself. You're still in shock.

My first panic attack happened when my boss asked me if I had told one of my oldest and dearest mentors about what was happening. I thought I was having a heart attack.

I think I was so busy holding it together I had forgotten that falling apart is an important aspect of this whole thing. I learned to allow myself to fall apart at home by myself for X minutes a day. Just sob on the floor, screech like a banshee punching my mattress to try to get some of my rage and pain out.

It released the pressure enough for me to function seamlessly the rest of the time.

You're going to be OK. Just got to get through this shit but first.

Does your employer know what's going on ? If not perhaps its time to inform them. Most employers will have compassion and want to help. I suggest you let them in on what's been happening. Otherwise they might think your just a nut. And with all the workplace violence going on these days they just might can you. Cover all your bases bro.

Thank you all for the replies, my boss knows and I'm sure understands but I have a few young and impressionable people who rely/come to me for help, so I always have to be in control.

This happened to me as well early on

I almost went to EPA. Thankfully it was short-lived but I would have not hesitated to go if needed. I think it came from bottling it up. Talking to a few close trusted friends helped me process

I think I had one at work last week. My entire right side went numb. I could not breathe. I just wildly looked around. I wanted to stay, I wanted to run. I was just about to have my coworker run me to the hospital when it finally stopped.

As you have just read, this is very common. Please take this as a sign, though, that you probably need to find more than one way to vent & process your thoughts & emotions when you're not at work. I totally understand needing to keep it together at work. But when you leave, I think you need to find additional outlets for yourself than what you presently use (if you're using anything). Do not bottle this up inside. If you do it will only fester & will emerge at a later date in a much worse way.

(((HUGS)))

I've had to leave early and I had a day where I called in late because I was hysterical and couldn't even get in the car to drive to work. It happens.

Have you told your coworkers about what you are going through?

I finally "came out" last week. Some close coworkers and my supervisor knew already what I was going through, but I came out on a more public level last week. Let me tell you that it's been so nice to get so much love and support from people. No one wants to know the details or get in my business, but they are much more understanding and I don't feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders alone.

I had to call off from work just yesterday. I had my first panic attack ever in my life on DDay. I've seen everything, did a stint with law enforcement, then 21 years in the military. I mean I've seen EVERYTHING, but my H cheating...who would have thought that would make me cave. Most times I just throw up now instead of full on panic attack.
This crap sucks. I hate what cheaters do to a BS's heart and soul.

I've had a couple panic attacks at work, and dissolved in tears a couple times too. I now go get a cup of coffee, a candy bar from the vending machine, or walk into the break room and start a conversation with a coworker when I those overwhelming feelings start. I also carry a couple Xanax at all times, just in case.