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Fear she is not getting it.

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phoenixrivers posted 9/26/2013 08:52 AM

The W got a dog from the AP. She claims she had no idea he was getting a dog, took it from him and raised it because he was "irresponsible" (drug addicted, alcoholics rarely are responsible, but apparently make great AP's.).

She agreed to give the dog up as I do not want any reminders/triggers in our lives now that we are trying to reconcile. She had moved back in with me (although she still has a free apt. for her work), gave the dog to her daughter and we were doing well.

Last week the daughter called and said she could not keep the dog. W rushed to the daughter's house, picked up the dog, moved back into her apt. and has been gone ever since. She is starting to waffle on giving the dog away.

I am torn. The dog didn't do anything, but still the W's devotion to it and willingness to leave me have me baffled. I don't think she understands how distressed I am about her leaving with the dog as a motivation.

When she left the first time, it was with the understanding that we were still a couple, the apt. was our "second home" aand we would be together forever. Now, she's making the same sounds, but it feels all too familiar.

What should my response to this be. I've thought about ending it, but I did say we'd try for six months (end of January), but I'm very leery of getting burned again.

phoenixrivers

brokensmile322 posted 9/26/2013 08:56 AM

I could not keep this dog. I love dogs. This is like keeping and wearing a piece of jewelry the AP gave to her.

She can find the dog a good home. Yes, she loves the dog, but it is a dog the AP gave her. Period.

rachelc posted 9/26/2013 09:37 AM

Phoenix - it took my husband 5 months and 1 day to sell his affair car. That was about 5 months too long. I almost left over this, not because of the technicalities of it, but because of HIS ATTITUDE about selling it.
It is such a fucking entitlement attitude. No, she doesn't get it.

Markone posted 9/26/2013 14:29 PM

Well, can you tell her that it feels very much like she's putting the dog's welfare above the welfare of R. What would she say in reposnse to that? I'm not saying to just discard the dog but she has to feel that she is in danger of losing you unless she makes her priorities clear.

5454real posted 9/26/2013 14:37 PM

Get a cat.


Seriously, she's placing a gift from the AP above you?

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

Forget her and the M for a while. Work on healing yourself. Obviously she doesn't get it. Give her the time. N/C, kids and finances only.

When she quits looking past her navel lint and see's what her choices have wrought, maybe you'll be interested in R, maybe not.

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