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Stalked by the Woman he had the affair with...

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ShedSomeLight posted 9/26/2013 09:15 AM

I am almost two months out of D Day. My D Day was 7/31. I found out her name by the Police because I was stalked. The blocked ID phone calls started in April. I was receiving about 30 blocked ID calls a day on my cell as well as my office phone. Finally, I decided to contact the Police in June and law enforcement started a tracer on my phone. On 7/31 (D Day), I was given her name and I immediately called him and asked if he knew her. There was silence on the other end of the phone....then he said, "yes, this is the woman I have been seeing and I have been trying to end the relationship, so that is why I think she has been stalking you". I immediately just left my home for a week. Then came her emails to me. She first tried to see if I would meet with her...then she started to just send me VERY nasty emails telling me all kinds of things about their affair. He claims he never loved her nor did he ever have plans to leave me. They had a day time affair during his lunch hour and they met from an ad on Craigslist, but it was for 3 years on again and off again. For about the last 6 months, I had suspected, but could not prove it. He was always home at night and on the weekends. I contacted a private detective in July and was planning to begin having him watched, but then I found out by the Police and he just confessed to the affair. She has continued to stalk me by email and recently she mailed me a package with some items he had given her (a tarnished silver bracelet, a tee-shirt, two of his ties and copies of sexual emails between them). The emails were very hard to read. He claims he never loved her and I see no evidence of that. When it was discovered that she was the one stalking me by phone, he immediately put a restraining order in against her and because she has been so crazy with the stalking towards me, the Judge granted me a protective order. These emails she sent to me were to my work email address. She got my work email address from Facebook as in my profession, social media is very important. She told the police that she just wants to talk to me and was jealous of me. The Police feels she is greatly disturbed and have told me to be very aware of my surroundings. I am pending a court case as she has also violated my protective order and now has two arrest warrants. I was told by Police yesterday that they plan to arrest he this Monday for the first arrest warrant ! He has been doing all the right things... counseling, remorseful...cries all the time. Tells me that this event has changed his life and that he could not imagine his life without me. I am not sure of my feelings. For the first month I cried everyday. Next came my rage and I smashed every picture in our house of the two of us right in front of him and left and let him clean up all the glass. For the last week or so...things have been quiet with her stalking, but I am scared still. Once she is arrested, will she start back up. I am told by Police that I will have a choice to just write a victims statement and have a victims advocate read it or I may appear in court to face her. I am not sure what to do. I'm confused about my feeling. I know that he loves me...but I am just not sure if my answer is to just walk away and a new life for myself. We have no children. We do have a 8 month old puppy that he bought me for my Birthday in May...and we both love him. He is a rescue Pit/ Puppy has really rescued me during this heart breaking time. He sits with me when I cry. I am scared to look back...frightened to look right now, I am looking to my side and my fury friend is right beside me. My therapist keeps telling me to do nothing if I don't know what to do and claims that in time, the answers will come to me. I think I forgot to mention that we are not married, but own a house together. He claims that me not wanting to commit to him totally led him to the affair. He said that over the last few years he felt very disconnected from me. In therapy he admitted to having communication problems and just being selfish. He said he never wanted to change what we had together and that the affair was a selfish escape ! He cries a lot as he is not sure what I want to do. He said that when I left our home that he was lost without me and REALLY realized how deeply he loved me. I see true remorse...but is it enough ! Am I better off just walking away and starting a new life for myself. I have a lot of fear about the court case. She has violated me in every way and the Police have advised me for the past few months to not email her back or speak to her. It has killed me to be silent. She does not even know me, but has said so many terrible things to me by email. How do I ever get over this ? Is it possible. Feeling lost some days... heartbroken, scared for my safety....and unsure about so many things. Does it get better ???

SpiderGrl posted 9/26/2013 09:55 AM

Hugs for you, Shed. That's pretty terrifying. There is no timeline on how long you have to decide what steps to take. I gave myself a 6 month window. But I am married and I have kids and that complicates things. I'm glad you have your pup. Do a lot of reading. Journaling helps me process and keeps my anger manageable. I haven't broken anything since dday. I wish you safety, luck, and peace. It's a long road and yours is much more complicated.

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