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Pass posted 9/26/2013 09:41 AM

I was out with a buddy for drinks last night. I've shared EVERYTHING about the end of my marriage with him. About a year before I left The Princess, his marriage ended as well. While we shoot the shit about a lot of stuff of course, we obviously have some favourite topics!

We weren't even talking about it last night, when he brought it up: "I've been thinking about your marriage to The Princess. When she finally kicked things up to the point that you left, she did you a favour."

I had to agree with this. I mean, I'm not about to THANK her for being a cold, calculating, lying, cheating, unemotional, immature whore (still bitter!), but he's right. My life has improved, and it continues to improve. Even before I knew she was cheating (no idea when it may have started), our marriage was miserable - I just didn't know it because I was too much in love.

So if you're earlier along in this process than I am (10 months since DDay; 7 months since leaving), and feeling like your world is coming to an end (and, yes, it temporarily is), please read this and know that it really will get better.

You will slowly get over the things you are meant to get over, and become an independent, happy, motherfucker, who doesn't have concerns about what some asshole did to your marriage. What she did will never be okay, but I will accept it as something that changed my life. I'm still on the road toward that, but I can finally see that it is the eventual destination.

[This message edited by pass at 9:44 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]

kg201 posted 9/26/2013 09:55 AM

Thanks for the post pass. I think I may have had a turning point this week with my WW making an emphatic "Our marriage is over!" statement. I knew this before, but the malice in her tone made me realize I just want her to leave me alone.

Looking forward to being "better" when I reach where you are

nowiknow23 posted 9/26/2013 09:56 AM

Great post, pass. And great progress!

Abbondad posted 9/26/2013 09:56 AM

Thank you, Pass. I know you are right, but I can never hear this enough times.

I am getting there. For me it has taken time and NC to work their magic, but more than these, my healing has been going at light-speed due to my STBXWW's despicable behavior since I filed. It has taken her to continue to be deplorable to shake me out of my fog and lose what tattered feelings remained in me for her.

Nature_Girl posted 9/26/2013 10:12 AM

feeling like your world is coming to an end (and, yes, it temporarily is), please read this and know that it really will get better.

You will slowly get over the things you are meant to get over, and become an independent, happy, motherfucker, who doesn't have concerns about what some asshole did to your marriage. What she did will never be okay, but I will accept it as something that changed my life. I'm still on the road toward that, but I can finally see that it is the eventual destination.

sparkysable posted 9/26/2013 10:33 AM

Its so annoying though how we KNOW these people are no good for us, we KNOW that we deserve better, we KNOW that they are doing me a favor...but yet, we still have those days of feeling bad. It's like "why should I care?" But our mind still likes to mess with us on occasion.

sleepless34 posted 9/26/2013 10:55 AM

Thank you. I really needed that today. I had a rough night last night.

Even if you can intellectually accept D is the only road and the person isn't who you loved or who you want to be with given their actions and choices....it is still hard to see your world shattered, your life a mess.

I have moments, like a few yesterday where I actually felt happy and like everything would be okay. Then later, at night, and again when I wake up at 4am in a cold sweat, it feels soooo bad again that my heart literally hurts....

Thanks for the encouragement that it gets better.

NewMom0220 posted 9/26/2013 12:10 PM

Great post! The longer I go without contact, the better I feel. The longer I go without his presence in my life, the more I start to enjoy the day to day things.

Good to know it's only going to get better.

dindy posted 9/26/2013 12:19 PM

I completely agree pass.

After what ex has done to me and our children our lives no longer revolve around just 'his career'.

I'm focusing on myself and my children and we are having a great time without him.

I am even applying to return to university to study photography, a passion of mine that I intend make a career of.

I know for a fact that if we were still together mine and my kids' lives would have to wait as we would have to spend every day not seeing or hearing from him because he is always too busy with his job.

In a way it doesn't feel that much different not having him around. I can just focus my energy on me and my children now.

I read an article last year in a newspaper listing the top ten things of the dying. Number one was regretting working too much and not spending enough time with his/her family and seeing his/her children grow up.

Suck in that pathetic loser of an ex and father!

dindy posted 9/26/2013 12:40 PM

Excuse the type-o's, writing whilst playing with two small children.

I hope you got what I meant! :)

Pass posted 9/26/2013 13:21 PM

Thanks, y'all. SI has been a HUGE part of my recovery so far, and I have no doubt will continue to be. We all found the community we needed!

abbycadabby posted 9/26/2013 13:30 PM

Excellent post!!

Abbondad posted 9/26/2013 14:16 PM

I've been having a great week with the kids (since Monday all the way to tomorrow evening).

We've worked hard on homework every day, got their grades up, had Movie Night with their neighborhood friends over, swam, and for two days we've been constructing a gigantic reptile cage from scratch.

This is what it's all about. Other than the stress of the divorce and the misery she foists on me when she takes the kids for the weekend, I don't miss her. Sometimes I shake my head at the waste of it all, but even these moments are dwindling.

Six months ago I was never more certain that I would never--ever--feel anything but anguish and yearning for her.

I am moving on.

Eyeofthetiger posted 9/26/2013 19:27 PM

Thank you!!!

sunsetslost posted 9/26/2013 19:49 PM

Great post. I offered my STBX the house if she can get it refinanced in her name. She'll need a consigned and likely a roommate. I said she can have it for what we owe. She asked why I was being so generous. I told her gratitude. She blew it up and hasn't looked back. She isn't wasting my time with counseling or what would most assuredly be a false R. She let me go and it is making it easier to let her go

PurpleRose posted 9/26/2013 19:58 PM

Good for you pass!!

I am 2 years out from dday, and I absolutely did not think my life would get BETTER after all I was put through. But it is true- my life is rich in so many ways!!

And I definitely would not be where I am emotionally if I was still with the Dooosh. I never realized how much of a complete ass he was, how much he impacted my life in a negative way, until I separated from him finally.

I know it seems like your life is over when you are a newbie. But honestly it's just the beginning!!

Pass posted 9/26/2013 23:04 PM

I know it seems like your life is over when you are a newbie. But honestly it's just the beginning!!

Too true, Rose. But I totally didn't believe any of you when you told me so!

And I reserve the right to stop believing you again.

SBB posted 9/27/2013 00:05 AM

Love this!

I saw a great quote recently:

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.- Maya Angelou

ninebark posted 9/27/2013 10:23 AM

Yup I remember the early days, when my life was in disarray, my self esteme non existant and terrified of change.

Now here I am, feeling good, I own my own home, take care of my business, raising a great son and now I have a great BF. Life is good... he did me a favour :)

cantaccept posted 9/28/2013 05:12 AM

Boy, did I need to read this!h

H made it very clear who he is last night. I finally get it, this is as good as it gets. Not enough for me anymore.

I know it is the best thing for my life.

I am scared, I hurt, I don't want to d. I want a remorseful, loving husband.

I will never heal with him. He just does not care enough. I am not, never have been and never will be his priority.

I have to love myself, do what is healthy for me. That means ending m and starting a new life.

I don't make enough to support the house but it is in my name. Not enough equity to sell. Maybe a roommate?

A second job?

Not sure, but I will figure it out. Keeping the house vs feeling alive. Feeling alive wins. The house is just a thing. I don't even want to stay here, too many bad memories.

Anyway, first step,180.
Get control of my emotions.
Figure out finances.
Reconnect with friends.
Discover something that makes me smile.

The beginning...

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