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scream posted 9/26/2013 11:31 AM

Just don't know what I have been feeling. Been feeling so down for a couple weeks. Envy,sorrow,happy,jealous. So many different things. Having a hard time. May need to adjust my meds. Reading here a lot. Trying to take the good with the bad. But the bad seems to be staying with me. I'm having a hard time just trying to figure out my feelings. Anyone else wanna share?

Aubrie posted 9/26/2013 12:07 PM

Yep. Mired in quicksand.

Affair season is here, Dday anti is on the horizon, Convention is coming up, (when I confessed) miscarriage anniversary is close, and life is going to hell in a hand basket with a pretty little black bow decorated with a Jolly Roger.

Don't know what to feel or which direction to turn. Just keeping my head down and putting one foot in front of the other. Taking it one moment at a time. Been skulling SI mindlessly refreshing the homepage, walking around the house staring at the walls, I feel "blah". Only way I can describe it. "Blah" and an incredible sadness.

Just trying to hang on till the sun comes out. Doesn't feel like it ever will, but people keep promising that it does.

Just making healthy decisions and learning to love me. I keep forgetting that one. To love me. Respect me. Be gentle with me. I have treated myself unfairly and expected too much from myself. I've burned myself out and I'm empty. Gotta figure out how to recharge myself.

Hope you find your way out of this scream.

SandAway posted 9/26/2013 12:14 PM

yea, I am right there with you too. Everyday my emotions run in different directions. Just found an old Anniversary card that made me loose it. It basically said we will make it though anything life brings but the hardest part was where my BH wrote 'I fell in love with the right girl'

Couple tough months coming up for us also.

scream posted 9/26/2013 12:57 PM

Right there. like going through the motions. but not sensing what's around me.

Joanh posted 9/26/2013 13:04 PM

Wow must be in the air or its simple that time , I think the blah the crazy making thoughts all of it is being enhanced by the anniversary dates as well. Our 15th wedding anniversary is coming up The down side is that Its also when the affair was first noticed and I gaslighted it instead of coming clean, either way it has not only made it that our anniversary means nothing good . It also means really the first dday anniversary.
I know we all talk about on SI what is happening to the BS at this time. I am thinking that it affects us as much, just in a different way then a BS. I know I am having a hard time holding my head up. Feeling worthy and worthy of love. From myself or others.
One thing that keeps popping in my head is a few words that a stranger said to me when I was about 23, You are to nice of a girl to walk with your head hung low. (My family was just starting to deal with all the abuse, addictions, and sexual abuse that had been happening) . Hold your head up.
Tis keeps ringingin my ears. So I am going to say it to you and me and anyone on SI

We are worth it , hold your head high. We all have a unbelievable amount of courage to stil be here, talking about ourselves, and learning and facing our own truths. Whether a WS or a BS , this takes courage to survive , find peace and love. So hold your head up. Look forward not down.
You are worth it.

scream posted 9/26/2013 18:46 PM

I'm sorry to hear so many of us feeling the same way. Teach and I aren't in a season. But then again what season isn't? Just in funk that I haven't felt in over a year. Hurts to look at her. Hurts to look at me. Just pain. I'm on meds...and they have leveled me out over the last year and a half. Which is huge. But this low swing is really taking a toal on me.

sad34 posted 9/26/2013 19:57 PM

Scream, can you actually explain specifically what is bothering you so much??? Sorry to hear you are in a funk, what happened?

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