Hi there BS's I just want to share my view on asking for details. I hope this helps.
I have a WS who has always been secretive so being secretive about his 36 affairs over a one year period has been par for the course. I asked and asked and then the info came trickling in over three weeks. The numbers went up from 8 to 12 then 18 then oh...I am sure not more then 20 and on it went. Until he listed 36 and only stopped because I could not hear anymore of it. Be careful what you ask to know. Once you hear it theming movies replay over and over.
If you were blind and somebody told you the world was full of filth, hate,cruelty and sadness....would you still want to see it? If it meant seeing it for the rest of your life.....would you want to? It is a pandora's box. If you want to stay in the marriage it is best to accept.....not necessarily forgive right away but at least accept that it is dark and dirty in detail. Be careful!
I asked for more, got only where....ie. their homes, hotels....even one across the street from my work while I was at work making less money for twelve hour shift than he paid her for the hour. Go figure?
All I know now....10 mths later is .....the number 36, ages from a few likely underage up to 38. All whor*s, all $200.-$300. Per episode, all in the town I live and work in, every night I worked he played outside our home. Thankfully he did not bring them here.
He found them on backpage and escort sites. Yeah, like most WS he said," it wasn't even that good" what an idiot...lol.....kept going back for more despite saying that. Oh...I would say.....that was a lie on my WS behalf. He was trying to spare my feelings.......imagine that.
He would still be doing it had I not caught him. Likely could be doing it. I don't sleep in the same room. When we speak we fight.....well I yell....he ignores me.....and says.....that is what the books say to do....listen and not fight back.
When I ask for details he wants me to ask specific questions. OMFG! He actually told me ....well he said," well one of the hookers had a little dog with herr and I seen it in the bathroom". Cannyou imagine giving that bullshit for details.
Why am I still here in this house with him? Who the hell knows? Thousands spent on councellors and intensive couples weekend. He does not open up....ever. Total lost in past year....approaching $30,000.
It is only on here....SI that I get any venting done. In real life I suffer. All I have read says be careful who you tell. I get that because the two I told have betrayed me. They quizzed me from day to day til I cut them off. Be careful of the other scorned women. An ex friend who was a BS herself a few years back has been riding the divorce wagon right up to my front door. I tell nobody now. I read books, research, wait for WS to see his Psychologist every two weeks, wait for her to coach him, wait, wait.....and wait some more. I had deadlines for this suffering and all have come and gone. Why? Wo knows? I guess I have nothing better to do. It can't be said that he didn't have a chance to reconcile and repair this mess.
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to vent. Good luck to all of you!