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Newest Member: Sunflower96

Divorce/Separation :
Tips on handling D questions please

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 Tripletrouble (original poster member #39169) posted at 2:30 AM on Friday, September 27th, 2013

By this time next week our D news will be getting out. We have been very discreet about our marital problems, and because I have teenagers to protect I have no intention of telling anyone we're divorcing because my highly respected, saintly church going husband was on AFF and then lied to me and raged at me for months after being caught. Again, I am keeping this private to keep from humiliating and traumatizing my kids. When friends, family members, neighbors and other aquaintances start asking questions, I need a prepared response. I discussed this with my IC, but I feel like her suggestions all make it obvious he was cheating and would only invite more questions. I'm thinking the best response will simply be "It's still too hurtful to talk about. How about this weather we're having?"

Suggestions are appreciated.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6502282
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:32 AM on Friday, September 27th, 2013

I think a simple, "I'd rather not discuss it. I'm sure you understand." kind of response is perfect. If someone pushes at that, you may need to come on stronger with the boundary - "I'm not going to discuss it."

((((Triple))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6502287
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Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 2:39 AM on Friday, September 27th, 2013

You have the power to shut down any and all questions, but you can't stop people from talking. You have to realize that.

For me, humor helped. I told anyone and everyone 'I didn't like his girlfriend'. They either laughed or didn't know what to say. Whatever works best for you.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

posts: 25351   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 6502293
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 Tripletrouble (original poster member #39169) posted at 2:52 AM on Friday, September 27th, 2013

Sad, I think that is a big part of my frustration. People gossip, they just do. It makes me sick to think of people speculating, and since everyone thinks he is soooo great than surely I was the cause. So unfair. But really, NOTHING about this has been fair. I just need to get over it.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6502306
This Topic is Archived
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