He's in the "fog" and his "happily ever after" is just a thin veneer - the cracks will start developing on its own. There's a lot of great people here that will help you through this. Take care of yourself, be there for the kids, and reach out to your friends and family for support. Read the Healing Library on this site. It will get better but your in for a rough ride. Hugs
"why is it that he gets the happy ever after?"
Trust me SurelyNOT, a year from now you'll be laughing with me on just how FAR from reality this "happy ever after" delusion truly is.
The fact is, morally bankrupt, weak spirited and loyalty deficient people (like your WS) bonding with low self-esteem, poaching, soulless shells of humans aren't capable of "happily ever after".. The whole affair is unicorns farting rainbows with NO amount of reality involved and 100% delusional, fantasy land that ignores the REAL WORLD (that you and I live in daily).
I'm so sorry for your pain.
It get's better, believe me.
You stood-by/loved your husband through his farting on the couch, stinking-up the bathroom, leaving the toilet seat up, skid-marked underwear and body order self vs. this slut that only had the fake, only-passionate, lovey-dovey delusional existence with no real-world experience in what a real relationship is like. It's only a matter of time before these affairs start to crinkle once reality sets in.
Your revenge will be the success you experience long after this fleeting nonsense cheating episode runs it's course. He cheated on you, yet this OW is ready to accept someone like that with that knowledge? Think about that a bit...
Good luck to you!
I also thought about posting flyers in the women's restroom of places she frequented for the billiards and bowling leagues, warning wives and women, until WH came clean and told me that was a lie and they met at a party...if that was the truth.
As for my WH--WH is getting my own brand of "revenge" by taking what I dish up to him as I experience very vulnerable and emotional levels where he has to face my grief, sorrow, etc because of his lies and betrayal, and he's going to MC and IC and we're trying to work on things.
Children are resilient and yours will be okay because you're there for them, showing them love beyond any boundaries, and how to lead a good honest life, and how an adult behaves in the face of adversity and betrayal. Stand strong, head up, you can do this, your kids are watching and taking a clue from you to help guide them as needed.
Living well is the best revenge. We have to go through the fire to get there, however, and it's a damned long journey.
[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:58 AM, September 27th (Friday)]
I soooo understand your desire for revenge. I've thought of renting out a billboard by the side of the freeway and posting her photo with a few well-chosen words about her
I also have thought I'd like to do this. It's nice to have a safe place to talk about the things we'd like to do, even though we know we wouldn't. Sometimes just putting it out there feels good.
Actually tho, you are getting the best revenge-----you are letting your WH & OW have each other.
Mediumrare nailed it, I loved his post:
The fact is, morally bankrupt, weak spirited and loyalty deficient people (like your WS) bonding with low self-esteem, poaching, soulless shells of humans aren't capable of "happily ever after"..
My best friend told me to work on being "classy". Every day, every situation.
Now, let's go to this year -- you'll like this!!! First off, one by one his friends have told me they see who he is now. My friends mom lives across street from them and she told her daughter she can't believe mr homewrecked threw me away for the slut! She said I am nicer and much prettier than slut. (and slut is 15 years younger than me!!!). See, beauty is as beauty does.
Someone I know recently found out that the OW is cheating on my XWH!!!! OW told a very reliable person that she can't believe how stupid my XWH is. She said she is miserable with him, and really wants to end it, but he contributes alot of money to the household. She is sleeping with another guy and really wants it to work with that guy!!!! So, she will wait until she is sure it's gonna work with the new guy and then dump my XWH. It's so unbelieveable some days that he threw us and his life away for a fantasy, a psycho, and a slut.
Also, it is true what everyone on here says, once they are together a couple years, and they have to be mature and work on a relationship, lots of times they break up.
Show your children how to be. Just now my children are beginning to calm down -- because I have a calm, supportive home here.
Also, what really helps us is getting out of town -- even a different city close by -- for a couple of days - or longer if u can afford it. It really helps my children get their minds on something else because this is so painful what he did to us!!! AND she was a family friend!
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Other posters are right -- living well is the best revenge.
I have found putting my revenge fantasies here at SI are great. No, it isn't the same, but the support and laughs we get help so much.
I will share a true story. This may happen in your situation, it may not. But more often than not, this is how it goes.
OW in our situation was married. Its first ex-husband caught OW in bed with a friend of his, a MOM. OW moved in with MOM. OW started fucking my fWH. OW married MOM. OW fucked my fWH 3 weeks before its wedding and 3 weeks after the wedding. OW continued to fuck my FWH for a year or two after said wedding. FWH ended affair. OW got divorced from its MOM a year or two later. Yeah, it was karma for the 1st BH and BW. Too bad for me my FWH was part of the delivery of the karma bus, but I am sure the BH and BW were real happy about that karma bus.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
I also thought about posting flyers in the women's restroom of places she frequented for the billiards and bowling leagues, warning wives and women
I liked the idea of putting a profile up for OW on dubious online sex sites with her mobile and work numbers & her pouty photo. I'd so love people to know what a morally bankrupt person she is - what kind of an empty individual sleeps with a married man who has a heavily pregnant wife?
^^^^2 of my favorite revenge fantasies.
Or, read Chicky's post on this thread:
Fantasizing does temporarily help us to get thru this, but we have to keep it in our minds.
the best revenge ... is getting on with your life like the OW hasn't got power over you - while part of me would love to tell her exactly what I think of her in a public place saying nothing to her is better for me. I am a better person and I am not stooping to her level...
[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:04 AM, September 27th (Friday)]
He DID desert his family.
She DID take an active part in that action.
He DID leave his family to set up house with his OW.
Nothing I stated above is untrue.
I personally would see NOTHING wrong with sharing that information with virtually anyone who has a pair of eyes and can read.
But I'm funny that way.
In my case, I do not know and have not spoken to OW. Because I live in a small city where everyone knows each other, I could very well know who she is, or know of her, if WS would just let me know her name and/or who she is (we havent gotten that far in any of our talk sessions, but its a question I will not let go unanswered.)
Anyway, right now, as far as I'm concerned, my WS is the dirtbag. He's the one who should be put to shame for what he did to me. Because it was he who promised me he would be faithful and loyal. So if anyone should get some embarrassment out of this whole ordeal, it should be him. If anyone should have their eyes ripped out of their sockets, it should be him.
If this OW turns out to be someone I do know, then I would most definitely let anyone and everyone who knows her, know what she did to my relationship. (At least I would REALLY REALLY want to) She, THEY rather, ruined what we once had. It will never be the same again, should we stay together after all is said and done. I do not think that this would apply if the OW isn't someone you know personally. Yes, that person is wrong if they are aware that the cheating spouse is married. But as far as they are concerned, they arent hurting anyone they care about. It's wrong, I am not saying doing that is ok, but they probably would see no reason not to do what is going to make them happy in that moment. However, for your spouse to go ahead and take that step and cheat...with someone you know personally and who KNOWS this is so & so's husband...they deserve nothing but shit.
I hope and pray to god, for your personal satisfaction, that they live miserably ever after...with more misery sprinkled on top Sounds like youre taking the high road, so GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Cheating is easy! Why dont you try something more challenging - like being faithful.
Ive even had dark wishes that me and WH were infested with STDs before this and sh got them all....too bad that didnt happen lol
I understand, I completely get it and it sucks that we are all here in this messed up situation with nothing but the rubble of our marriages around us hoping to be rebuilt