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User Topic: Feast or famine relationship
NWfleur
♀ 35874
Member # 35874
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been dating SO for about 11 months now. Met him a bit less than two years ago in a divorce and separation divorce group and we were friends before dating. Similar divorce stories, so we bonded quickly and have a lot in common and have great conversations and so much fun together. He's lightyears beyond my ex! Things are going GREAT.
But...
He has joint custody of his kids (which I see as a plus, since he's a very involved dad...) but it means we tend to see each other week on, week off. He does know my kids now and they really like him, that's gone quite well. His kids are teenagers, mine are younger. The issue is that when he brought up eventually meeting me, to his kids, the response (especially the youngest boy) was, "glad you are happy dad and found someone, but we're not into meeting her...it's too weird at this point." That was a few months ago.

I TOTALLY respect that. And I do NOT want to be pushy with teenagers!! But I've also noticed that his kids tend to get whatever they ask for from him (use of his car whenever, new ski gear constantly, clothes from spendy stores, etc.) They are very close to him, for being in their teens...they constantly text him and ask to do things together, they seem to geniunely want to be with him a lot. They seem like good kids. I'm just not sure he ever says anything but "yes" to them!

So I wonder if this could go on forever, and our relationship will always be a "one-week feast or famine" because they would rather not deal with someone else in his life and he won't argue that. I have no interest in living together or anything like that right now, but it's tough to go a whole week at a time with maybe only one quick meet up for coffee...especially as the relationship progresses...

Not sure how to handle this? Do I need to just chill out and let it be? Should I be concerned? Sometimes after what happened with my ex I feel like I am such a newbie in the art of forming a healthy relationship!

[This message edited by NWfleur at 11:59 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Me BS (39)
Him WS (36)
2 DS
M: 9 years (together 13)
DD: 4/10/2012
(Separated since 12/11...affair began ??!!)

Divorced!!!


Posts: 324 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: USA
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As someone in a slightly similar situation, though shorter timeline, I think the first step is to decide what are your expectations as your relationship moves forward - and he needs to be part of that discussion.l


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4712 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
LearningToRun
♀ 31353
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, i say chill. He is being an involved dad and if you make him pick there is no choice to be made.

And they are teens so it wont last forever.


Posts: 347 | Registered: Feb 2011
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's on his best behavior right now -- are you willing to put up with this treatment for the rest of your relationship? What if his kids always think it's too weird to meet you -- even 10 years down the road?

And even though they will grow up, entitled teens become entitled adults. If they're that emotionally dependent on him, it's likely they'll stay that was as adults.

Which is fine, if you're OK with it. You just have to decide where your boundaries are, what kind of relationship you want, and what behavior you'll accept. It's different for everyone.

Good luck -- tough decisions for sure!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3534 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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