My WH had a LTA and I found out 2.5 years ago from the OW. I was TT'd for several months. My WH never volunteered any
information I found out all the details from a blog the OW created, this included pictures, hotel names and dates and songs they shared etc. She stalked us to the point that we had to get a lawyer to intervene. I want to mention too that this was his second A with this woman
. He knew that the first time it destroyed me and I took him back because he promised to love and cherish me forever if I did. Fast forward 16 years and I find out that he had done it again on a mammoth scale.
He travels with work so we spend a lot of time apart and most of our discussion is done via email or text.
He is a conflict avoider and since day 1 I have had to plead and beg with him to talk about the A. I have been very very angry, not only about the A (obviously) but by his refusal to engage in any kind of meaningful discussion with me about who he is really is.
Recently he has started to ignore any emails I send him related to the A. He will answer almost immediately any that relate to anything
else so it isn't that he is busy. I send him emails that reflect how I am feeling, be that triggers or just asking me him how he could have done this to me. He ignores them. When we are together in person he will look for any excuse to exit a conversation about the A. He tells me that he is full of remorse and knows what he has done. He just can't talk about it. The first A I let go without talking because he refused to. I was also younger and afraid. This time I refuse to let it go.The result of him ignoring and avoiding me is that I am angry all the time. I get very angry and when he ignores my emails I explode. This is the reason I explode. Him saying that he is sorry is no good to me - he said that before and this is where we have ended up.
He has being seeing an IC and he has never talked to me about his sessions. Yesterday he told me that he read out one of my emails to the therapist to demonstrate my anger to him. The therapist doesn't know why he stays with me and he said that he(the therapist) was angered by my email and if it were him he would leave me.
My question is this: 1. Do you think my anger is justified?
2. How would you feel about your W reading one of your private emails - chosen selectively- to a therapist? Would you consider this a betrayal particularly when my WH refuses to discuss his therapy with me?
I really need perspective. I am tired of being angry but I think that his behavior provokes me.