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I still wake up very early about 3-4pm and cannot go back to sleep. I cry. I am thinking about the prostitutes and why he could do that to me. Why he made them his friends and took them on vacations. Why didn't he think of me, etc... I cry. I still cry a lot. It's been 8 months now.

I still feel so sad. Is it depression? I am getting help for that. I am trying to work through it in IC. He told me some pretty ruff stuff in the beginning and it haunts me, but now he is trying to make it right.

I keep thinking about the beginning when he was still into it and what kind of man he was. Even though he changed, I feel he still feels the same way as he did at first. I mean why did he say those things if he really didn't mean it.

I feel like I am putting a gun to his head to make him say the things that will make me feel better. What if I can never get over this. What if I can't except the fact that it was fun and exciting to him and move on.

You will know what to do when you are ready. How much sleep are you getting? If it isn't enough this could be adding to your difficulty in dealing with the situation. Talk to your IC or a doctor about any sleep issues or lack of appetite. You will need to not be physically drained on top of emotionally drained. It is possible that you are experiencing some depression. If you are not doing anything in terms of regular exercise, then try to do include this too.