I still wake up very early about 3-4pm and cannot go back to sleep. I cry. I am thinking about the prostitutes and why he could do that to me. Why he made them his friends and took them on vacations. Why didn't he think of me, etc... I cry. I still cry a lot. It's been 8 months now.
I still feel so sad. Is it depression? I am getting help for that. I am trying to work through it in IC. He told me some pretty ruff stuff in the beginning and it haunts me, but now he is trying to make it right.
I keep thinking about the beginning when he was still into it and what kind of man he was. Even though he changed, I feel he still feels the same way as he did at first. I mean why did he say those things if he really didn't mean it.
I feel like I am putting a gun to his head to make him say the things that will make me feel better. What if I can never get over this. What if I can't except the fact that it was fun and exciting to him and move on.