I started posting back in August about my suspicions that my H was having an A with his secretary. After several posts, I have stopped. Reading others situations made me feel mine was insignificant as I had no real evidence. But my gut is screaming at me and I need some commentary whether I am making more of something than it is.
Since my original discoveries, I have found very little. I have placed a VAR both in his car and office. (Only occasionally) Here is a list of the only things I have found:
1. Heard him calling her from his car at the office saying "I was just thinking about you, was in your neighborhood." Then he asked about her sister, who is single with 2 small children, and he said "who is she f__king anyway?" Hardly a conversation that is being kept strictly professional, like I had requested. Also, he sounded so happy when he told her he was thinking about her.
2. After placing a VAR in the office, I heard her telling the other employees when he was not there that they have a new mascot for the office. A cute little Siamese kitten, and that my H said it was ok if she brought it in sometimes at work. This made me suspicious BC we have 2 Siamese cats, and my H talks about them all the time. Why would she all of a sudden get one? And did he help her find it? He never said anything to me about her bringing a really cute little Siamese kitten to the office. Even when my H saw the library book my daughter checked out at school "all about Siamese kittens" (she loves them) he did not mention that his secretary just happened to get one.
3. Had confronted him on a phone call he had made to her one Friday night at 9:30 pm from his cell as he was driving home from our golf club. He had been drinking and I saw the call to her on his phone. It was only 25sec long, so she must not have answered. I woke him from his passed out state on the couch "why are you calling her in a Friday night drunk? Could not have been work related." He denied calling, then said he must have butt dialed, then just that he was just returning her call from earlier. Said her fiancé crashed her car and she just wanted his advice. So what is that 4 stories? BS. He just forgot to cover that track since he was boozed up.
Our sex life has been hot and cold. Sometimes he is all over me, others, acts like I am his roommate and avoids closeness. Frequently has aches and pains, shoulder hurts, feeling sick, ate too much, etc etc.
We had a blow out argument a few days ago when I told him that I don't believe anything that he tells me anymore. He was furious and got so defensive that I retreated, made nice, apologized for being too distrusting, and was super sweet. Promised myself not to bring my insecurities up again, since it only fuels his anger. He always tells me "why can't you just be nice? Why do you always ask so many questions?" So I am trying to do just that.
There has been nothing, I mean nothing, (besides the drunk call that one night) on his phone. Either I am crazy or he has taken it WAY underground.
His business has been incredibly busy as of late, he has secured a very large account which will be very demanding but lucrative. He needs her in the office to keep all the balls in the air. So maybe it is just all the pressure. But I maintain that if he hadn't lied to me earlier in the summer, we would not find ourselves in this crappy state of marriage now. This makes him the most mad, says that he "doesn't have time for this shit" and "when will you ever let it go? She means nothing to me!"
So. Here I sit, still wondering. I find myself envious of the spouses on "JFO" forum BC I want to find out but I can't... Just the truth. That is all. If there ever was a PA between them or still is. I am afraid if it is over, I might never know. Not knowing is the worst.
If it matters, I am a thin blue eyed blonde who is smart, kind and honest. I spend my time managing three very busy kids 16, 14 and 7. I take care of the house and our cats. I try to be a team player so that he can grow his business. And I am an RN who works 24hours a week, every other wknd to contribute. I feel like I am holding up my end of the bargain.
Thank you all for reading. MODS, if you have insight, I am all ears. You guys have seen and heard it all. Just want to know if I should let this go.