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offer parenting classes to stbx or not?

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numbandnauseous posted 9/27/2013 11:12 AM

I am going to take some parenting classes to gain extra skills/tips in being a better mom. Our DS has Aspergers and he can be challenging at times. I have filed for D, but it is on hold for now.

Should I invite STBX to join me in these classes? On the one hand, I would like him to have as many skills as possible to be a great dad to his kids, but on the other hand, I don't want him to get more custody and come out looking like Dad of the Year when we go through the D process.

He is SA and also has NPD traits, so who knows if he would even get anything from these classes.

Nature_Girl posted 9/27/2013 11:23 AM

Do not offer, do not invite, do not mention. It's his job to figure out how to be a better parent. You handle your own shit now, he handles his.

Yes, that means the children suffer as a result. But you know the truth of dealing with a NPD SA: if they don't initiate the change and follow-through 100% on their own initiative, it's meaningless and will not "take".

gonnabe2016 posted 9/27/2013 11:31 AM

I agree with NG, with the added caveat that, if you do tell him about these classes, at some point in time he'll tell you that you've tried to control him and are trying to make him *look bad*.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about......

Nature_Girl posted 9/27/2013 11:41 AM

Something else - the biggest take-away he'll get from the classes is excellent "good parent" wording to add to his mask. NPD's are masters of disguise. The more they learn, the better they can hide in plain sight.

peridot posted 9/27/2013 13:07 PM

I wouldn't do it. If he cared at all about your child he would do it on his own. If I were you, I would also take some classes just for Aspergers.

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