It seems like his A has taken over my life. The constant need to search, the gut wrenching feeling Iím being gaslighted. Sometimes I wish heíd just leave so I can quit hurting, but I would be crushed if he did. I am frustrated with my own indecisiveness, should I stay or leave?
How much pain can one person endure without going insane? Sometimes I wish the knife twisting in my back was real so it all would end. For me it would be easier that way, but not for the ones I love.
I miss the way his hugs would comfort me and make the stresses of the world go away. The hugs are there but the comforting loving feeling is gone. Will it ever comeback?
I feel so selfish everything about me. What about his wants needs & desires? No relationship can last if all you think about is yourself, but if I donít think about me, no one will.
[This message edited by soconfusednow at 12:13 PM, September 27th (Friday)]
I am right here with you in thought. I am in the same place with the same questions. You are not alone.
I'm in the exact same place today. Spent the entire morning crying in bed. Can't trust anyone anymore, feel like my life is circling the drain.
I know every affair situation sucks, but I think the double betrayal is one of the worst. The very people you trusted the most, who you would turn to if something went wrong, were the same ones who stuck the knife in your back, together. It's enough to make anyone crazy and sick.
I am so sorry for all of us who are going through this situation. No advice here, just commiseration. (((HUGS)))
The only thing getting me through is the promise from so many seasoned SIers and some very good IRL friends helping me promising me that it just takes time. That answer sucks, I hate it, but it's all I've got to go on.
[This message edited by OldCow18 at 12:32 PM, September 27th (Friday)]
I hate bringing up medication all of the time, but it really helped me get through everything. That and my IC.
Do you think maybe a portion of the 180, the part about just focusing on YOU and not looking to him to soothe you might be helpful? I honestly had to detach in order to survive. I am just now taking some of the top bricks off of my fortress of a wall.