I also do not believe in affair proofing a marriage. I think we can be educated and wiser to challenges, but that concept puts too much on the betrayed spouse. If we tap dance fast enough and often enough we get fidelity. Sorry, I know now it does not work that way.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
I am not sure what she did to justify his bad behavior, but it seemed like she was taking all theblame . Hated the book. I am not responsible for my ffWH affair and I refuse to take the blame in order to keep my marriage.
Just like I don't steal (even when I had no money and would not have been suspected, much less caught), hit people, verbally abuse people, etc etc.
I'm not a saint, and I bet you are not either. Doesn't mean you would cheat. Because the circumstances are NEVER right for behaving cruelly and immorally. Don't you believe anyone who says otherwise.
Same for SI, I take the stuff that will help me
The more I read, the more I realize that everyone has their own perspective, their own story, their own opinion
So although some of the stuff, both in books and here, I may not agree with, I do find it very helpful as a whole to my situation
We all have our own opinions and do what we need to do to help our own situations, and I am very grateful to each and every source of information and help that I have gotten on this horrible journey I have been forced to take
Take what suits you and leave the rest behind :)
I can understand that an A can point to problems in a marriage that need work, and once those problems are ironed out, the M can get better than it had been. Okay.
But don't tell me that an A is required to reach that point. How about honest communication? Letting your spouse know if you're unhappy? Talking about it, maybe going to MC, or a couples retreat, or just plain working on it yourselves?
An A is a violent emotional assault from which neither partner (especially the BS) will ever make a complete recovery--even if the marriage does eventually improve.
So, Anne Bercht, please don't tell me that it's the "best thing that happened". That just makes me want to vomit.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
No--not everybody trades away their self respect in exchange for an affair.