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OW tried talking to my WH today

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suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/27/2013 14:21 PM

WH works with the whore. They are now in the same dept. He was suspended with pay until today bc of the situation and today was his first day back. They go on lunch at 11 and at 1 he calls and tells me that she came to him and asked how we were and if he thought we were going to work out. This is after he sent another NC text to her telling her unless its work related she is not to speak with him. I find it a bit suspicious on her part to talk to him. I'm also very bothered by the fact that he waited 2hrs to tell me. First thing I did was text her not to talk to him bc she's nothing but a filthy stain in our lives. I then text her fiance to let him know his WGF was once again trying to talk with my WH. So today is not a good day and even though WH told me I'm still pissed off about it. I have extreme anger and axiety issues on the days he's at work and they've been amplified since they're downsizing and she was moved literally within 30ft of him. I really wish I could wake up from this nightmare

tushnurse posted 9/27/2013 14:38 PM

Gently, be happy that he did tell you. That is progress. That is a WS trying to do the right thing, and most of all let him know you appreciate him telling you. Don't break his balls or next time he won't tell you.

You did do the right thing letting her Fiance know that she intiated contact. Try to refrain from name calling, and all the mean stuff in response to her attempt to contact him. Next time, and there will be a next time, she isn't going to give up easily, she's shown you that, tell her that you are considering this harrassment, and if it continues a restraining order will be filed, your attorney will be contacted, and WS will file a harrassment complaint with HR. Be strong, be calm, and be believable.

suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/27/2013 14:44 PM

Thank you tushnurse, I needed that so much. I know I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, one of my flaws but dammit she made me so mad!

Lucky posted 9/27/2013 15:31 PM

Tushnurse is exactly right. Be sure & thank him for his honesty. It's vital you make it safe for your WS to come to you. She will "fish" again, most of them do several times - sometimes for months, years, anniversaries....
Telling her BS is great. She'll hate that, don't be surprised if she runs to your H to tattle on you. In fact, plan for it. Sit down & make a game plan for any further encounters she'll attempt.
As mad as you get do NOT contact her under ANY circumstances NC is for both of you. Letting her BS know is fine just keep it factual, unemotional & maybe threaten a letter from HR or an attorney. It's not really his job to rein her in but it can help in his keeping an eye on things. At least it worked for me OW was furious when I tattled on her. She told Mr Lucky "how dare she (me) speak to her husband!!!"

[This message edited by Lucky at 3:36 PM, September 27th (Friday)]

suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/27/2013 17:22 PM

I let him know that I was very appreciative he told me, that I would like for him to let me know asap though when that happens and not wait awhile. I know hes afraid I will flip out but when I find things out in a timely manner its so much better than if I find out he waited. When he waits it makes me feel like hes hiding things. When he doesnt answer things in complete honesty or avoids questions it stops my rebuilding of trust. Hes agreed to answer all my questions but thinks that Im asking things that make it harder on me. Hes so afraid Im going to leave him. Hes been calling me at every break and talking to me so I know theres no contact.

As far as not contacting her, its very hard for me bc Im angry angry angry and I want her to know that Im still lurking in a pissed off shadow......Its something Im working on though, its just so hard

[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 9:45 PM, September 27th (Friday)]

Lucky posted 9/27/2013 17:33 PM

Ahhh sweetie we get it. When you're a bit further out you'll understand the misplaced anger at the OW. It's your WS who deserves all of your anger. But that's too scary to accept right now. In the early days I was terrified of being angry at Mr Lucky so I bottled it up & lashed out at OW. It's normal.

Razor posted 9/27/2013 17:37 PM

IMO words from YOU to the OW will do nothing to keep her away.

Whats needed are truthful words from your WH to her telling her he wants *nothing to do with her ever again and go away!*

Is that happening?

Red flag if he is not telling her this himself ON HIS OWN WITHOUT PROMPTING FROM YOU.

suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/27/2013 17:48 PM

I have so much anger that hes getting most of it. He told her the day after Dday that he wanted nothing to do with her and not to talk to him again. He asked what I wanted from him, I told him to break it off. He told me the night I found out that hes an idiot and doesnt know why he did what he did but wanted nothing from her.

Ill admit that I was very upset he wasnt a hateful ass to her. In his text to her yday he was very blunt and mean. As far as I know until today this is the first she has made contact with him. Im afraid of finding out otherwise.

Hes trying to do things right, but Im so mad at him that I have to pretty much force myself to acknowledge it.

He told me that he answered her that were doing great and I told him that talking to her about us is a complete disrespect to our marraiage so from now on he needs to ignore her or tell her if its not work related to not speak with him.

[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 9:47 PM, September 27th (Friday)]

Skan posted 9/27/2013 19:54 PM

If she tries to contact him again, ask him to go to HR and report that she is harassing him. And I'd suggest that he do that BEFORE she decides to do the same.

Safeguard posted 9/27/2013 20:14 PM

"suspended with pay"? Wow. I should have an affair, I could use a paid vacation! "she is nothing but a filthy stain in our lives." She's a human being, that your husband stained your life with. My God, I hope I don't become conditioned to think like you.

suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/27/2013 20:34 PM

Safegaurd, I understand that she is a human being, I understand that it was his choice to do what he did. I also understand that I have the right to be as angry as I want and think as I please. I have never once been placed in a position to feel so many terrible emotions so strongly and I am dealing with this the best that I can.

This is recent and new to me. I have anger and resentment from this. I came here to seek comfort, support and wisdom not to be belittled by someone who I assume is here for those same reasons. If you dont have anything to comment that is enlightening then I suggest you stay off my threads bc you are not helping anyone by being so hateful.

Im sorry that you are here for the same reasons as everyone else, we are all hurting and trying to heal. We are all dealing with these things in our own way, please respect that.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/27/2013 21:27 PM

(((suposd))) You have a right to your feelings. Sorry someone doesn't understand.

Im sorry that you are here for the same reasons as everyone else, we are all hurting and trying to heal
You have a lot of grace and class, sweetie.

Blameitontherain posted 9/27/2013 21:30 PM

Let it out Sup! It is normal to feel anger and resentment at AP in general but especially after they try fishing and baiting the wayward. Your WH did great.

Please know that you are welcome here, no one is judging- everyone here is going through a lot and sometimes stuff gets unintentionally misdirected to another member.

Lucky posted 9/27/2013 21:31 PM

My God, I hope I don't become conditioned to think like you.

This is JFO. Compassion & respect go a long way, attacking a new and hurting BS isn't cool, not at all.
((( suposd2b )))

suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/27/2013 21:33 PM

Thank you all for the spport and understanding

Lucky posted 9/27/2013 21:44 PM

Just Found Out can be full of raw emotions. You might find yourself & your R happier in the reconciliation forum.

h0peless posted 9/27/2013 21:51 PM

She's a human being, that your husband stained your life with.

Fuck. That. She's a subhuman piece of entitled shit who thinks it's perfectly OK to fuck around with somebody who is married. She deserves no more sympathy than a bank robber or a crack dealer. Maybe someday she'll develop self-awareness, fix herself and stop being a shit stain in society's underpants but for the time being, she barely meets the basic criteria for sentience.

suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/27/2013 21:52 PM

I will look into that forum, thank you Lucky.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/27/2013 21:58 PM

The problem with the R forum is you can't call the whore a whore. I use to get in trouble all the time there for either venting or calling names. I had to wait until my emotions weren't so raw before I could post within the guidelines of Reconciliation.

Lucky posted 9/27/2013 22:03 PM

True sister!

But ... She can always pop into general to vent if need be gawd knows its full of spewing & venom tonight

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