BS here, although I've been dealing with this for over a year, I had TT for ONE year before someone else told me the truth and my WH finally told me "some" of the truth and it took another 3 weeks to get the rest of it.
From my perspective, relationships are built on trust. So I'm ALSO having issues with that. My WH is lost trying to figure out HOW he can ever make this up to me and IF I can ever trust him again. Your BH loves you, but if his pain was 1/2 of what mine has been then you've got a rough road ahead of you. I see you both are in IC, have you done MC? Have you read books together on infidelity? Are you doing all the work, and he's just stewing in his pain?
I would HATE to see myself in this much pain, losing appreciation for life, not eating, etc. What has HE done to get better? There are ways to get through this, at least that's what I'm told. I'm like that with my WH, I can be fine for a couple of weeks and BOOM total chaos.
I'm going to give you some advice that my BFF gave me who had her WH cheat on her FIVE times. She decided whether or not the marriage was good before, was there love? Was there good times? Do you have history together? (this is your BH role now to look at). If he answers "yes" THEN it can be saved. It's going to be extremely painful, this type of betrayal is beyond any pain you can imagine. I've been in physical pain for over 33 years, that is NOTHING compared to this. I've been hospitalized and almost died due to my illness. I'd RATHER have that than this. When somebody betrays you like this, you feel like "who" you are is gone. We wrap ourselves up into our spouses and that is our "safe" place. We can ALWAYS depend on them to be there when we need them. We also trust that they are honest with us and when that's broken and the continued deceit, HOW can he trust what you say. I tell my WH YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO, UNTIL.....
It's time to face YOUR fears. Believe it or not, YOU also need to find out where you stand and if you should move on. Ask him the above questions, if he answers yes... GREAT If he answers no, then you have your answer. You both need help with a MC to guide you back together. I can't imagine how bad you feel, because so many people are affected by this, it goes so much deeper than just satisfying whatever you felt you needed at the time. Imagine your mom dumping you in the dumpster when your 3. THAT'S how it feels. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
So Hope PUSH, get some indication of where this marriage stands, then act appropriately. I really wish you the best, we all make mistakes.
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.