To actually try to date.
I find myself wondering what it would be like to meet a nice man. A man who is kind, caring, considerate, and good to his family and friends. A man who wants to be with me and enhance the nice life that i have already, and a man who wants to make nice memories, whether that involves something small like a tradition of watching a favorite show every week or something bigger like vacations.
I honestly don't think I know what that feels like. I certainly don't know what it feels like to be with a man who has actually matured and moved beyond a grad school party mentality.
I have realized that my best memories of the ex douche are of when we didn't have kids and were in some sort of party situation. None of my good memories with him involved anything truly intimate or anything having to do with our families and children. That's a very sad realization, but one that makes me sort of excited to try to meet someone who grew up and matches my morals, values and judgement now as a professional and a parent.
I hope he comes along one day.