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Befriended by OW

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Ambergray posted 9/27/2013 21:58 PM

In my situation, the OW planned a "chance encounter" to pretend to meet WH and I. So we "met" and became friends, our two families. We got to know each other, exchanged numbers, social media, and kids birthday parties. I thought I had met a new friend. Our kids like each other. Why in the world would she want to become my friend? I just think this is so sick and cruel. I never believed there were people in the world this hurtful.

StillLivin posted 9/27/2013 22:00 PM

Disgusting. Check Out The Sociopath Thread In I Can Relate Forum.

Ambergray posted 9/27/2013 22:17 PM

I just looked, but I'm not seeing it. Is it under another title? Thanks for directing me to it. I'd love to read it!

SisterMilkshake posted 9/27/2013 22:49 PM

I can't find the Sociopath thread, either, Amber. However, it maybe on page 2 and for some reason I can't get to page 2.

But, many OW's do this. The OW called me (I didn't know it was an OW) years after my FWH ended the affair (didn't know he had an affair) and said it was a former employee of FWH and was just calling to catch up with him.

OW talked to me for about 45 minutes, telling me all kinds of personal shit about itself, and all its woe is me stories. OW invited me to meet it for coffee. I said maybe, but I had no intention of meeting up with this needy stranger that just dumped all its shit on me. I felt very sorry for it and thought it was pathetic, still didn't want to be friends with it. Could tell it was an emotional vampire.

From what I have found out about OW in my "research" and what FWH tells me and what OW told me itself, OW very much fits the sociopath profile.

Vulcanized posted 9/28/2013 04:04 AM

Yikes, Amber.

What an evil harpy. Was your WH in on this vile plan?

Screw that broad.

Bluebird26 posted 9/28/2013 05:25 AM

Yes one of my exwh OW befriended me also, became one of my close confidants.

She used this to get inside info on our relationship and plot her strategy to 'get him'. It's disgusting.

Holly-Isis posted 9/28/2013 06:02 AM

Yup. xOw1 met MrH when she stopped by the station to meet her BH. I later learned she was attracted to him immediately. So she had her BH invite us over. Their plan was to talk us into partner swap. He's only betrayed in that I didn't screw him.

She cultivated a friendship, then when MrH refused the bh's suggestion to swap, she began weaseling us into fights. Whatever we had begun fixing in our M, she helped dredge back up. We fell right for it. Once she divided, she set on the conquer aspect.

It is unfathomable to normal people how someone could do that.

isadora posted 9/28/2013 07:38 AM

FWH and ow2 arranged for our families to meet and become friends, although I was introduced to her about 6 weeks before we decided to do family stuff together. It certainly is twisted

doesitgetbetter posted 9/28/2013 10:45 AM

I'm not shocked about much anymore. My H met many of his OW on craigslist. After DDay, I started going through the ads that he would read to see what kind of people post hookups online like that. I came across one post from a woman that was married. She specifically asked the responder to become friends with her BH, come watch football at her house with her BH, then during the game she would go to the kitchen to make snacks and the responder should join her in the kitchen so she could sexually favor him while her BH was in the other room. She then wanted the responder to watch her kiss her BH after she got done blowing a stranger in the kitchen.... she gets off on that.

There's a LOT of really twisted people out there. And you know the saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer". She was keeping you close so she could know what was going on, and possibly to feed you information to talk you into a D when she wanted your WH to be hers. She also likely wanted the power of knowing how to get in touch with you so she could threaten WH to expose the whole thing if he didn't continue to see her. It's actually quite a common ploy.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this!

SoAngryAndHurt posted 9/28/2013 12:32 PM

The OW went out of her way to leave me a hand written note at my kids preschool. Normally she would have play date with my H and didn't contact me directly. At one point she left me this note about setting up a play date. I thought it was strange that she was trying to be friends. This was after a point in time when I was suspicious so I think she was reaching out to me in hopes of making her "friendship" with my H seems genuine. I will admit at the time I thought "she wouldn't want to be my friend if she was interested in my H". How stupid am I? Dday was a week before the scheduled play date.

Ostrich80 posted 9/28/2013 14:16 PM

Wow amber...that's just wrong on so many levels. I'm just thinking its a way to "safely" be around your ws, maybe get you to eventually confide in her about your M, and just getting to be an invited fly on the wall if you Kwim? Stupid bitch and yes sociopathic personality. Ppl like her are scary to me.

SadFlower posted 9/28/2013 16:57 PM

My WH and OW were still "just" friends (actually, they were probably EA by that time) when we started doing things as couples. They went PA a few months later. OW and her BH were at our home; we were at theirs; we would go out for dinner together. When WH and I moved to a city 2.5 hours away, OW and her BH would come visit; we would visit them.

I can see my WH accepting drinks from OW's BH. I was similarly extending warm hospitality to OW. She would ask me for advice on techie stuff, which I would share. She would bring her homemade strawberry jam, in exchange for a jar of my homemade blueberry jam. Stuff like that.

And all this time, through all the hospitality on both sides, WH and OW were screwing behind BH's and my backs.

This is one thing that makes me absolutely nauseous. How could OW and WH pretend to be friends with their each other's spouse while boinking each other at every opportunity? It blows my mind.

Ambergray posted 9/28/2013 17:39 PM

So many things bother me about this, but one thing that sticks out in my mind is the warmth and friendship I showed her. It would one thing if he told her how terrible I was and then she met me and I really was terrible, but I showed her warmth, smiles, prayers, and friendship. So it is beyond me how someone could continue that behavior to someone who has only been gracious to them. It just sickens me and ruins my view of anyone else I'll ever meet. I'll always wonder what their motives are.

Whatdoido333 posted 9/29/2013 06:38 AM

I had this experience also. OW is not married but has adult children. We used to go to her house and she would come to mine. I honestly thought thy were just friends. She even told him how happy he was that our families were friends.
All along they were having an EA. When I discovered it the 3 of us got together and she agreed that she called him too much and would back off. She even mentioned the EA!! It never stopped....instead it intensified.
They still work together in the same office.
I suspect she's BPD or histrionic and he's been diagnosed as NPD.
Why would she want to be my friend? She actually told me he was a lousy father, etc. Why would she tell me that?
They are all nuts.....

sparkysable posted 9/29/2013 15:21 PM

Mine WH and OW did this also. I think they both got a high out of all of us being in the same place, and me not suspecting anything.

Plus, XWH used to go on and on about how he thought OW was a lesbian. I agreed, yes, she must be, clearly. I think that was also part of the game.

StillGoing posted 9/29/2013 20:28 PM

OM did this, though it was online. Pretended to be someone else when he did it, since I had asked my wife to stop talking with the guy because I was uncomfortable with it. Pretended to be a friend for a good long time.

Why did he do it? I guess so he could intrude on another part of my life and be able to see inside my head. Dunno. Got enough crazy, I don't want to make myself some more working out those machinations.

RidingHealingRd posted 9/30/2013 01:49 AM

Wow, that is just pure evil.

kickboxer posted 9/30/2013 01:55 AM

What an effing psychotic, self-righteous biatch.

When I called OW to confirm some details, she tried to be friendly...I destroyed the expensive gift she sent to my husband and hung up on her.

There's not a friend-worthy hair on her cheating head.

refuz2bavictim posted 9/30/2013 03:06 AM

but one thing that sticks out in my mind is the warmth and friendship I showed her.

I think when the OW is someone close-by, this is a pretty common tactic. Sad to think these trojan horse friendships are nothing more than a means to an end and have such destructive consequences for us....far beyond the decimation of our marital relationships.

I think it says a great deal about you...that you took the time to extend warmth and friendship...and that it was authentic. I'm sorry it was wasted on someone with bad intentions.

Trust is pretty hard to come by, and I hate to think that these people who can not be trusted, could ruin it for those who are trustworthy.

I am planning to order a new book as I often have to remind myself about things I have learned, or learn something I missed. I need to reinforce the kind of thinking that maintains my sense of hope and keeps me from shutting people out entirely.

It may or may not be of use to you at this time. But I'll share anyway so you can check it out and see if it might be helpful to you.

Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend

WIgirl posted 9/30/2013 06:26 AM

Yes. I can relate. We are living overseas with a small US community...and we all became friends. I think the A would be a hellavu lot easier for me to deal with if I didn't know the bitch. I think back to parties, events, etc, where we were all together and it makes me sick to my stomach. I never really felt a strong connection to her (gee, I wonder why?) but I really got along well with her husband. So f'ed up.

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