First off, sorry that you are here. As much as no one deserves to be cheated on, at least we have a resource like this site.
My question to you:
WS has been remorseful and giving 110 o/o to work towards R.
Why would you say that he is remorseful?
Regretful, maybe. But remorseful? No way.
Joseph's Letter is as kind of a way to putting to your spouse what you are needing to know. And his response is anger. This is because he wants this behind him, and to not have to deal with the fallout. That is called rugsweeping around here....with a capital "R". And if this is allowed to continue, then sadly, your marriage will not have a chance.
But keep in mind, that you are only a month out, and as selfish and destructive as your wayward husband has been, he needs to process his thoughts. It usually takes longer for a wayward to come back to their senses, because they were screwed up to begin with.
This does not mean that you have to be tolerant nor patient---quite the opposite. The sooner that he is shown that you will not be bullied, cajoled, or disrespected for one minute longer, the sooner that he has a chance to pull his head out of his ass.
Right now, knowledge is power, and you can definitely use a boost to your crushed morale. Please consult with an attorney. Learn what your rights are. Know where you will possibly land if your husband does not become reconcilable material(which he currently is NOT). Show him, in a crystal clear way, that you would like to try to save your marriage, but will in no way tolerate the current behavior.
Remember, with remorse...real remorse...comes the whole package--particularly empathy. If he truly comes to realize the damage that he has done to his kids, you, and himself...and is wanting and willing to dig deep as to why he did this, then there is no limit to how strong the two of you could potentially make your marriage. But the problem is, that the betrayed spouse is often so wanting to repair the marriage, that they will look past many issues in the hopes of not "rocking the boat", that they will not call their spouse out when they are not in the proper mindset. It is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome--putting aside your fears in order to demand nothing less that what a healthy marriage should have--honesty, transparency, open communication, and a mutual respect for one another.
Right now is your time to be selfish--in a constructive way. You have to focus on you. Let your WH know that not only does he have to sort out his own demons, but it is also his responsibility to help you through your times of need. And if you are offering him the possibility of reconciliation, he should be doing effing backflips, and thanking his lucky stars that there is still a chance.
And if he isn't willing to step up to the plate, you need to work on the possibility of a life without him.
Remember:
--Take care of yourself first
--Children an immediate second
The rest is up to him at this point.