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Dating a Momma's Boy

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LineInTheSand posted 9/27/2013 23:03 PM

Anyone here date a momma's boy or marry one?

I'm currently friends with what I'd call a true momma's boy. He's an only child and his mom is newly widowed. It seems to me that he's always at his mom's place on his free time...after work and weekends.

He seems to really be devoted to his mother and loves her very seems to me a little much. He has told me it has caused issues for a couple of his previous girlfriends. Really?? You think??

For those of you that have dated or married a momma's boy, what has been your experience? Any advice? Should I run for the hills?

Personally, it's a bit much for me. I think I'm better off keeping him in the Friend Zone.

BTW, he was at his parents' place just as much prior to his dad passing so it isn't new behavior on his part.

phmh posted 9/28/2013 07:03 AM

Run for the hills!

(My XWH's MOW was a clone of his mom, though younger.)

FOO problems like crazy!!!

Google a forum "MIL stories" if you want to read from others who married/are dating Momma's Boys.

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!!!

Sad in AZ posted 9/28/2013 12:24 PM

I'll echo phmh: RUN!!!!!

The X was a mama's boy through and through, but it was a bit more insidious; she involved him in criminal activity at an early age which continued into adulthood. I didn't find out about it until after the betrayal. I knew they were too close, but I thought it was because of the psychotic, alcoholic father (yeah; the X was a catch )

His mom treated him like a boyfriend; she flirted with him quite frequently.

Don't get involved unless you think of him as you would a gay friend--no romantic interest ever.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 12:25 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]

Random thoughts posted 9/28/2013 13:56 PM

Run away right now! If he has already stated that this has caused problems before and he has continued in this mama's boy mode does not good for your future added to the fact the his dad just died and all his free time is spent with her, not good or healthy for all involved.

damncutekitty posted 9/28/2013 14:41 PM

He has told me it has caused issues for a couple of his previous girlfriends.

So he knows this. Is he making any effort to change it, or was he telling you because he's looking for someone that won't make him cut the apron strings?

mchercheur posted 9/28/2013 14:56 PM


HurtsButImOK posted 9/28/2013 19:48 PM

RUN, you will always be treated as second best. Unlikely the relationship would be a healthy partnership with MIL in the mix.

mom of 2 posted 9/28/2013 20:12 PM

I married a momma's boy. Now my XMIL is a great woman and individually, I had zero problems with her. But there was no individually with her and my X. Apparently they came as a set. It caused so much strain in my marriage and I never felt I ever came first. His mother always did.

My family is close but not THAT close and I could never relate to his relationship with his mom.

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 8:18 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]

mom of 2 posted 9/28/2013 20:17 PM

Had to add: You know how you always hear about finding a boy that treats his mother well? Well that can often backfire.

edited for typos

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 8:17 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]

mchercheur posted 9/28/2013 21:12 PM

When I read this before, it was just automatic reflex to type in "RUN", since I am married to Momma's Boy.

I realized that it has been troubling me since then.

I know this is the New Beginnings Forum, & I really belong in R, but :

RUN, you will always be treated as second best. Unlikely the relationship would be a healthy partnership with MIL in the mix

But there was no individually with her and my X. Apparently they came as a set. It caused so much strain in my marriage and I never felt I ever came first. His mother always did.

His mom treated him like a boyfriend; she flirted with him quite frequently

^^^^This is all true, in our case. Am trying like crazy to get WH to look at it in MC. Sometimes I feel like MIL is another OW.

What do you guys think is the connection between being a Momma's Boy & infidelity?

Do you guys think there is any hope of R with a Momma's Boy?

mom of 2 posted 9/28/2013 21:29 PM

I too, long before infidelity, felt like my X's mother was the OW. So I can relate. I also experienced the "flirting" another poster referred to between my husband and the mother. Although I don't think it was incestuous or anything like that, it was still weird, creepy and makes me want to .

Back to your question:

There is always hope of R as long as your WH is willing to do the work to address his issues no matter what they are. It could be addiction, momma's boy, FOO, whatever. It really doesn't matter the issue, what really matters is if they want to address it and hopefully change.

Of course there are no guarantees but you know the drill: Actions, actions, actions!

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 9:30 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]

mchercheur posted 9/28/2013 22:35 PM

Thanks mom of 2,
I think WH & I made a significant step in MC this past week. I finally, after 2 yrs, 4 mos. & 17 days post Dday, got him to talk about: "You told me you knew that what you were doing was wrong ( when he was having sex with OW). What did you tell yourself to give yourself permission to do it."
He said I had been angry at him for awhile, & OW thought WH was the best thing since sliced bread.
I pointed out that WH's mother was an unremorseful OW & WW herself, & all of WH's life told him "She didn't do anything wrong. She was entitled to be happy." I think that's what WH told himself, since kids think what their parent says is the truth.

This from a woman who left WH , who was 3 yo, with a babysitter most afternoons while she went to bars to try to meet men,while WH's father (who was a sweet man) worked like a slave , 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. Finally , WH's mother met a MOM, ran off with him, taking WH, & destroying 2 families.
Pre A, it was like she can do no wrong, but whatever goes wrong is my fault.
Now, I think he is trying. But with 56 yrs being a Momma's Boy, it will probably take some time.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:37 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]

wildbananas posted 9/29/2013 00:55 AM

ex-asshat was a mama's boy, too. When we first got married, he used to refer to his mother as his "magic mama." I think he was kidding... but I think he also believed it. Who the hell can compete with that?

When we lived over 200 miles from his parents (when we weren't closer or even living with them), we still went to visit almost every single weekend. It was like he couldn't stand to be alone with his own family, his wife and kids. He always had to be around his mother. All major holidays had to be spent there, as well. He was always pretty crappy to my family - his came first. And his mother could do no wrong.

I'll never step into that again, that's for sure!

fadedrainbow posted 9/29/2013 01:59 AM

I was married to a Momma's boy. I didn't really understand the dynamic when I was married. I get it now. I am still recovering from the fallout. Her letters to him began: "My darling little pet", and ended "from your loving Mummy" XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo The letters rarely mentioned me or my children.

Eranda posted 9/29/2013 15:43 PM

For me? Never.

Someone who's parent is their primary relationship in adulthood has some problems. Problems that I'm not willing to deal with frankly.

I'd say run.

Weatherly posted 9/29/2013 18:07 PM

I married one, but, luckily his mother lived quite far away (and now is literally as far away on Earth as she can be), so, our big issue was phone calls. I ended up breaking up with him once over this, and I did tell him I felt like his mother was the OW in our relationship.

One day, I read him some articles about emotional incest and things started to change real quick.

He hasn't spoken to her in a year now actually. I am not sure he handled it "right" but, he seems ok, and we don't have to deal with her, and things are good, so I can't complain too much.

But, it was a lot of work on both our parts, but especially his, and he had to realize there was work to be done and WANT to do it. Without those 2 things, I don't think it would have worked at all. Well, those 2 things, and a huge physical distance.

hurtbs posted 9/29/2013 19:32 PM

I was married to one. Run for the fucking hills. Mom will come first. You will never be good enough. And general mothrs of momma's boys encourage that behavior and will fight a perceived threat.

exhausted lady posted 9/29/2013 19:44 PM

Run. Run and don't look back. A "momma's boy" is NOT a grown man, and probably never will be....and you will be forever compared to his oh-so-perfect mother. Plus, the mamma's boy in my past could not take care of his own shit to save his life. The man couldn't even slice a freakin tomato without needing adult supervision. I'm not kidding.

LineInTheSand posted 10/2/2013 16:27 PM

RUN?? Run? But...but he tells me I'm Bee-u-tee-ful??

This "friend" has other issues besides being a momma's boy. I've brought them to his attention but obviously he's not willing to change. It's okay because I'm friend zoning him.

I'm not willing to settle or compromise next time around. And if there's no next time? Well, it's better than putting up with someone's issues and nonsense. And heck if I'm going to be 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc., in a relationship. If he wants his mother, he can have her!

Last week I texted him and told him what I had for dinner. He replied and said he had take-out and told me what he ate. BUT comes his next text telling what his mother ate! I kid you not!! CRAZY!

Thank you all for your replies! They are extremely helpful.

mainlyinpain posted 10/2/2013 16:50 PM

Yes, please everyone run from these! There are all different kinds, mine was constantly looking for mom's approval, she was his conscience and when she died it died with him. As soon as she died he started with OW....she gave him the kibbles he could no longer strive for from his mother.
This week, after I discovered by using a VAR that he was still in contact with OW AND had been buying cocaine from her for two years, he says he wants to quit and become normal. I say, so two weeks ago you were fine with what you were doing, but now that I have this recording you want to stop?

He says yes.....his mother must have been watching out for him.

HIs mother.

His dead for 14 years mother.

I give up.

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