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Rant, Ex not wanting to buy children clothes and shoes

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dindy posted 9/27/2013 23:53 PM

Ex texted me yesterday to say that our DS had wet himself and it had leaked into his snowboots and asked if I could drop another pair of shoes off for him. I replied ok and asked whether he supplied shoes for the children whilst at his.

He replied that he had ordered a pair of shoes for him but they were too small and he had to send them back, and mentioned that he paid 40 for a pair of shoes for our DD which were at my flat. So Ireplied that I would send those shoes to his aswell, even though they are summer shoes and not much use now the weather is getting colder.

Since we S he has bought only one pair of shoes for DD, one pair of jeans and one top for DS. These items were bought out of necessity and not because he wanted to buy them.

As far as I am aware it is up to ex to pay for clothes and shoes whilst the children stay with him for 48 hours and the child maintenance he pays is to pay for their living expenses, food, clothes, shoes, etc whilst they live with me.

Is this correct?

It just makes him see him as an even lesser effort of a human being because he can't even be bothered to buy clothing and shoes for his own children. They always return home in the clothes that they had which we split equally when we S.

It's got to the stage that I can't be bothered sending nice clothes to their dads anymore. Ex still harps on about being skint yet he earns 50,000 pa and i earn 6000 pa.

I'm always buying them new clothes and I love buying them new things. At the end of the day that is what ex's child maintenance is for.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Bluebird26 posted 9/28/2013 05:21 AM

Yes my ex doesn't provide any clothing at all for our kids. He also refuses to wash their clothes as well. Others will tell you to pursue it. I pick my battles and this to me isn't worth the battle for this one.

However I only provide 2 sets of clothes and pjs & one pair of shoes otherwise too much gets left behind and it doesn't get returned.

LisaP posted 9/28/2013 11:57 AM

My X does not provide clothes or toiletries at his house for the kids. He treats them like visitors. They pack a bag with everything they need for the weekend and they bring it all back for me to wash.

I don't mind it so much. They grow so fast it is hard to keep up. What I do hate is it makes the kids feel like strangers in their Dads home.

Heal&Deal posted 9/28/2013 12:15 PM

I consider the child support I receive to include the purchase of basic things DS needs, including clothing, which I send with him when he stays with XH. XH does not buy him clothes, unless it is a special occasion (example: souvenir t-shirt). XH, generally returns DS with washed clothing in good condition. I try to send whatever he might need during his stay.

Please note that DS only stays with his dad maybe once every 6 weeks, although the custody agreement allows for much, much more. Additionally, I sort of expect that if DS needs something extra while staying with XH that XH will be responsible for getting it, whether that means buying or picking up from me.

debbysbaby posted 9/28/2013 12:22 PM

I have ways had to provide all the clothes. It has chapped my ass before that they were going skiing and I had to buy them specialized cold weather gear for a trip that I would have been part of, except he LEFT me, and OW got to go. I knew they would not be bought appropriate clothes if I didn't and I was worried about them.

LadyQ posted 9/28/2013 23:08 PM

I buy all their shoes and clothes. I figure that's part of what child support is designed to cover. I send a bag with what my youngest will need for the weekend, sometimes it comes back washed, sometimes not. No biggie, since I'd be washing clothes anyway. It all comes back, though. Nothing stays at their dad's.

As to specialty clothing (ie ski clothes or boots) for a vacation he was taking them on? I think not.

dindy posted 9/29/2013 09:40 AM

Thanks for your replies.

I think this is just bothering me as I'm sick of hearing how skint he is when he earns so much and can't be bothered to want to buy things for his children.

I can't wait for the day when my children are grown up and I no longer have to deal with this selfish pos.

debbysbaby posted 9/29/2013 09:51 AM

I can't wait for the day when my children are grown up and I no longer have to deal with this selfish pos.

You know, I understand totally, and I have felt that way. But then one day I decided I would not allow him to take my ability to enjoy my children away as well. They grow up fast enough and how dare him make me rush that all-too-precious-and-fleeting process further.

tesla posted 9/29/2013 11:04 AM

I make sure Teslet has shoes and boots. I make sure to send over a jacket or sweatshirt if it looks like the weather warrants it. The clothes he goes over in often are not returned (or returned a couple of months later), so I don't send him over in anything super nice that I feel I'll need to be dressing him in again.

Ex-shat has never bothered me about buying clothes for use at his place so I don't really sweat it when stuff doesn't come back. Just not worth it (especially since all of Teslet's clothes are purchased off clearance racks or second hand).

Junebug0525 posted 9/29/2013 15:35 PM

My boyfriend is kind of on the other side. Until recently his son lived with his mother and he paid CS for him. He got him two weekends a month, had to do all of the driving (she lived almost 2 hours away), and he STILL had to buy him new clothes all the time because his son would show up wearing clothes that didn't fit, dirty, torn, etc. He would buy him new stuff which his son would take home with him, and two weeks later he'd show up in crappy clothing again. Most recently when his son came to live with us for the summer (and permanently now), his mom gave him HER shoes to wear because she wouldn't buy him new ones. This is on top of bitching to my boyfriend that he needs new orthodics because he's outgrowing his other ones. Makes me wonder where all the CS was going.

Oh, and even though his son is living with us (mother allowed him to come because son was adament about living with dad) there's no custody agreement or CS modification, so he's still paying her while he stays with us.

[This message edited by Junebug0525 at 3:37 PM, September 29th (Sunday)]

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