So what's the difference between a victim and a survivor?
My grandfather molested me for ten years. I was raped at age 19. And we all know what an abusive asshole I've been married to. Here's where I'm at on this:
I'm a victim as long as I'm still experiencing it, whether it's actually happening or if it's being replayed in my head and I can't control the replay. My daily life is impacted by it, even if I don't realize it. It overwhelms me, even if I don't realize it.
I'm a survivor when I've moved past it, I can function but I'm still a walking wounded. I don't realize all the ways I'm still controlled by it, but I am aware of some/most of the ways. I still struggle with it, I still trigger, it's still a problem. It's still bigger than me.
I'm an overcomer when I've transcended it and have turned my suffering into personal growth and the ability to help others. I may sometimes still have sadness, I may sometimes have a knee-jerk reaction, but those are few & far between. For the most part, it doesn't impact my daily life other than the fact that I am now a better person than I was before or could have been had this not happened to me.
I'm not a victim anymore. I spend most of my time these days as a survivor or overcomer (depending on the experience we're referring to). I am determined not to let these things ruin me. I am determined not to let these things define me. I am determined to rise above all of it.
Having said all that, I know that I am not ready to date. Even though I have made great progress on my journey, dating at this point would not be beneficial for me. I may choose not to get involved with a man again.