I never wanted to know. I was satisfied with us. I always felt we were special because of us being onlies. It'll never be like that again.
I'm not saying I want to have an A, I just wonder now what it's like to be with someone else.
[This message edited by Flatlined123 at 2:03 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]
I couldn't have kids, so I won't ever know what it's like to be a mom. And I will only know what sex is like with a cheating husband.
Latest DD - April 2013, PA
Imagine: "honey, I am going out with bff for the whole day. Spa, shopping, dinner, etc. Then go have fun with your friend.
That night, limp around a bit. Act worn out. Next morning tell H you feel guilty and 'fess up'.
Say that you while you enjoyed the sex, it isn't what you really want. That since having kids, things have been different, but the OM fit 'juzt right' (;-)). That getting pounded for two hours including from behind helped you understand it was 'just sex' and that you are glad to have the M since you do not see your H 'that way' so its good that you have more with him.
Maybe get a medical kit, as he will probably have a aneurism or stroke.
Anyways, why do WSs want from us what they were unwilling to provide...
[This message edited by MC_Jack at 3:39 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]
That was just him wanting to have an even field. Just something he could throw up in my face. Even he says he was so stupid then.
I hate that I have all these questions and will never have the answers. Sometimes I wish I'd have taken the opportunity when it presented itself to me one night while out with my girlfriends, but that's just not me.
He actually brought it up on his own to give me a free pass. I still want it, but I'm not too sure if, even if he knew and okayed me going out beforehand to look for a ONS, if *I* could handle it afterwards. Would I feel like I cheated even if he knew about it? I'm not sure I can live with the consequences.
It sucks. I feel this childish jealousy. I also feel 'inferior' because i'm so 'inexperienced'. I am also mad because I thought we had that something special for so long. Before dday, I NEVER cared either.
It's just another layer of crap we have to deal with.
I think I've coped by not being interested in sex at all anymore. I don't have the desire. I also don't see how I will ever feel special or feel like there is meaning when we have sex, if we do end up having any. I imagine I will just be fucking...not making love.
Does anyone feel like this and are still having sex with them currently? How do you feel during?
But I know an affair would not help me either ... not emotionally at all.
Two days ago a man told me he wanted to meet me for sex. He lives two miles away and is a friend. I could have had that chance but I got sick to my stomach at the thought and suddenly wanted to cling to my husband and wanted him to make love to me so I could forget what that man had said. It was flattering, but it was dang weird and I realized I couldn't have been the one to have the affair after all.
Like everything in our relationship I don't believe anything he told me these days. He is a compulsive liar. Even still now that he is my exwh.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Pretty sure I don't have it in me to actually screw around while still married, though, or I'd have already done it.
I just wonder now what it's like to be with someone else
It is hard to fathom, until you have been there, just how meaningless and empty it can be. In a relationship without love and affection, without a major emotional issue involved, it is just like masturbating but less enjoyable. That was my first partner, the emotional linkage never got off the ground and I ended it.
However, get an emotional component into it, be it love, revenge, anger, sadness, grief, loneliness, feelings of self loathing, feelings of low self worth, feelings of inadequacy, etc, and there is a whole lot more.
However, talke to enough people who have done it, and you will find is that cheating is something altogether different than being with someone else. Cheating is loaded up with messed up emotions.
Tired, we do make love now. It took a long time before it felt that way. We both work at that now that we know it can be that way between us again. We were both suprised the first time it happened as it had just felt like sex for the longest time to me.
I told H last night how I was feeling. He was a bit surprised. He got real quiet and then asked me if I planned on doing anything about it.
I told him I had too much respect for our M to dump another load of shit on it. We're almost through the shitstorm he brought upon us and I have no desire to go back. I know how it hurts.
I also want to know how it feels to do a lot of other things, but it's just not in my makeup to do them. Neither is this. I just feel like I missed out on something.
You shouldn't be wondering what it would be like to be with someone else. Your waywards should be wishing that they were as awesome as you. Onlies are in a group that should be celebrated and given parades but sadly in this society it is not. That doesn't mean that you are not the greatest. I would give anything, I mean anything, for my wife to be a member of this club.
[This message edited by Lovedyoumore at 5:55 PM, September 30th (Monday)]
Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
Onlies are in a group that should be celebrated and given parades but sadly in this society it is not.
^^^This^^^^made my day!!
I'm an "only" and proud of it! Now where's my parade??
If you think you have been robbed (like I did), you are thinking backwards. That's what the waywards were doing during the A. Thinking backwards.
ETA: I would bet that most, if not all, truly remorseful waywards would trade back their fling to get back their integrity in a heartbeat.
[This message edited by doubleboggy at 8:06 PM, September 30th (Monday)]
This point became clear when I learned my wife of 20 years had lied about who she had been with in the past before me. She didn't want to look like a slut so she did not disclose many of her partners. The feelings she had when she told me about them were not fond memories or of how she had "lived". The "what if" were about how much better her life would have turn out with out the experience. My feelings were even less happy.
I have realized since that any sex out side of the marital relationship, hurts someone. May be you, your partner, or even someone you haven't even meet yet. That is why we are all here on SI. Sex outside of the marital relationship has hurt US. BS's and WS's.
Two days ago a man told me he wanted to meet me for sex. He lives two miles away and is a friend.
That's not a "friend", that's an opportunist.
I would bet that most, if not all, truly remorseful waywards would trade back their fling to get back their integrity in a heartbeat.
This is exactly what my H tells me. He has said so many times that no matter what he does from this point on in his life that the affair will always be a part of his padt...something he did he wishes he didn't.