My only response to her, if I felt compelled to respond, would be to point out that her relationship with her children is hers to nurture or ruin. It has nothing to do with the relationship you are building with them.
You have a long history with her cheating and going back and forth from the info listed in your tag line. She's clearly still floundering in the face of her choices. It's not your job to save her from herself.
Then usher her unremorseful ass out the door.
[This message edited by Running the Race at 12:16 AM, September 29th (Sunday)]
It's not your job to save her from herself.
You feel the way you do because that was the dynamic of your relationship. It takes a while to create new habits. And your give-a-fuck needs to break. That takes a little time.
I know the urge to make her understand - to get her to see straight. I had to learn that he chooses to see the way he sees. It is not involuntary - its a choice. Thinking it is involuntary is what leads to the urge to 'show' them the folly of their ways.
In truth they know they are fucked. They can't stand blaming themselves so they blame us. Even when we're long gone.
The Dooosh is the master at rewriting our marital history. He had convinced himself (and his cow) that he had been miserably stuck with me for 20 years. Who in their right mind stays with someone that long? And when dday rolled around I was only 40- so it's not like we were 80 and he just plugged through life!!!
He is too afraid to look at the real him- who he is inside- because the type of losers he is surrounding himself with all believe his warped reality. "She was mean to me! She was a bully! I didn't like the way she treated me!"
Me me me. It's always about him and his wants. (Not that I have to even say it, but I was not and am not a bully. He just doesn't like the me who stood up for myself finally and allowed him to face the consequences of his actions)
The have to rewrite history to justify their choices. If a wayward could look into a mirror and see a reflection of their character, I'm sure they would still try to convince everyone it wasn't their fault it was so ugly, that somehow their BS created this image or manipulated their life in such a way to cause the broken reflection.
My ex lives in a world of delusion. He isn't happy in the real world- he's caused too much pain all around for that. But he sure doesn't seem very happy in his make believe world where I was the big bad wifey and he is now the "abused ex" either.
Whatever. I gave up trying to get him to live in reality a long time ago. He will never be able to admit he sucked as a husband, and now as a father and an ex, and I no longer care to explain it to him like I did when we first began this journey to hell. I took the fork in the road- and him? Well he got on that highway and never looked back. Hope he enjoys the heat.
[This message edited by PurpleRose at 8:46 AM, September 29th (Sunday)]
If they could actually see things from our side- well we'd still be married wouldn't we?
^^^You would think so wouldn't you?
In my case. Ex was the BS in his marriage. I thought that would mean that he would never cheat on me since he knew what it felt like.
Nope. It happened.
He told me he felt emasculated when she cheated. I quickly asked him what the female version of emasculated is since that is what I felt. He was puzzled by my reaction.
He blames his ex wife for her affair and he blames me for his affair.
He never takes responsibility for anything.
He is still friends with his ex wife and he is stumped as to why I am not willing to be friends with him.
I've given up trying to get him to see the similarities and his part in the situation.
But, I really don't want to have this conversation anymore either (((RTR))).