Thanks for all your comments and feedback. There was a section of the letter that I missed, the first of what he sent to her just talking about owning the mistake and didn't go into details at all. It was beautiful actually, what I "thought" he was getting. He was sincere, he was taking full responsibility, etc. YES he crossed the boundry by speaking to a woman in the first place, THAT he understands now. This makes the sixth woman (that I know of) that he has crossed the line with and I've made it CLEAR to him now, DON'T TALK TO WOMEN ABOUT ANYTHING BUT SPORTS. Until he learns in therapy what is appropriate and what isn't.
Sad that I have to teach my 56 y.o. WH HOW to behave
He has a lot of issues and he has finally admitted them and has agreed to get help. He wants to save the marriage, but he's quick to temper when he feels I nagate what he says. Again I remind him, it's NOT about you. YOU, YOUR NEEDS MAKE NO DIFFERENCE RIGHT NOW, GET IT?
I also told him if he threatens to leave me (which is habit btw) that I will have my boys escort him out of this house. I can't be his mother, he needs to grow up and stop feeling sorry for himself. He needs to stop soliciting advice from people that will elicit his needed response. No!
Thank God, my son was here last night, and just sat with me and listened to me vent, and then we started listening to music and I was better. I think I got through to him that when he does crap like sending THAT type of letter, or when he threatens to leave it NAGATES everything we have built back up so far. He has patterns, he needs to break. I'm just trying to hold it together, I can't be worried about him right now.
He threw his wedding ring off yesterday when he was yelling at me. I took it and hid it, so he was yelling at it, that is HIS ring. I said 'actually it's not, I GAVE that ring to you in our wedding and you broke our vows, it means nothing anymore' then he insisted on having my wedding ring, so I gave it to him. He gave it back.
We have a lot of crap to sort out, this behavior HAS to stop, I NEED to get better. Thanks you guys, you are so supportive
WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.